Ow.

~ K ~ Leave a comment

I got into a car accident today.

Welp. At least that was the worst thing that broke.

I’m okay, relatively speaking. It was my own damn fault, and I was the only one involved. Thank God. I have some whiplash and a headache. Urgent care prescribed some steroids (can’t take NSAIDs with SSRIs apparently) and a muscle relaxer. I hit a curb too fast and a tree on the left, which veered the car sharply over to the right. No air bag deployed and I wore my seat belt. The left side of my upper body hurts. Joint pain in elbow and a flare-up of the nerve damage in my arm that radiates into my hand.

I survived and I’m alive. Within those milliseconds, I thought for sure I was a goner.

God, what do you have in store for me?

2025 Goals

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Let’s try this again for the I-don’t-know-how-many-nth-time since I started this blog: Green indicates easiest, yellow indicates moderate difficulty, red indicates great difficulty.

  1. Read 4 full books for the year: 1 per quarter.
    a. [Jan-Mar] Red, White & Royal Blue (fiction)
    b. [Apr-Jun] Interior Castle (non-fiction, The Walk course)
    c. [July-Sept] Theologizin’ Bigger (non-fiction reread)
    d. [Oct-Dec] Defy or Defend (fiction)
    [e. (anytime) Finish Unclobbered (non-fiction)]
    [f. The Curious Case of the Werewolf That Wasn’t (fiction reread if possible)]
    [g. The Councilman (fiction) if it gets published!]
  2. Read 2 chapters of the Bible 1 day per week.
  3. Pray some time during the day for myself.
  4. Cronometer: Update at least 3x per week.
  5. Exercise 1x per week either walking outside or streaming BODi for at least 10 minutes. (Attempt to complete at least 2 BODi programs this year.)
    Options:
    a. Shaun Week
    b. T25
    c. 21 Day Fix (original) or 21 Day Fix (real time)
    d. 4 Weeks for Every Body
    e. 3-Day Split
    f. For Beginners Only
    g. Morning Meltdown 100
    h. A Little Obsessed
  6. Attend church 2x per month. (Children’s ministry doesn’t count.)
    a. First of the month – Communion
  7. Stretch goal! Visit Mom on Long Island 1x per quarter.
  8. Easiest. Book a massage 1x per quarter.
  9. Complete YA steampunk novel by Wednesday, December 31st. (Minimum: 5,000 words per month.)
  10. Take 2 LinkedIn Learning Courses by year’s end:
    a. [Jan-June]: TBD
    b. [July-Dec]: TBD
  11. Watch 2 TED/TEDx talks this year:
    a. [Jan-June]: TBD
    b. [July-Dec]: TBD

End-of-Year Update: 2024 Goals

~ K ~ Leave a comment

2024

I failed at achieving most of these goals. Miserably. I contended with a difficult first half of 2024 with issues with my son and daughter at school, then getting laid off in June, then subsequently being rehired at another place within my company (along with a 30% salary reduction), and now here I am in December, trying to figure out what I did with all that time, what I plan to do in 2025, and paring my goals back significantly from even a Top 10.

2024 Goals

  1. Read 6 full books for the year. Needs improvement.
    a. Theologizin’ Bigger (reread)
    b. So You Want to Talk About Race
    c. Rising Strong
    d. The Councilman
    e. Unclobber
    f. Red, White & Royal Blue
    None of these. The last time I read an entire book was the advance copy of Theologizin’ Bigger at the end of last year. The Councilman has been delayed, which makes me hella sad because I absolutely love the story between Gillian & Gunner. Alas, we shall see what 2025 brings. I should follow up with the author.
  2. Read 2 chapters of the Bible 1 day per week. Accomplished.
    It’s not consistent, but it’s better than any Bible reading I’ve done in a while. I’ll give this one a W for the year.
  3. Pray in the morning for 5-10 minutes 1 day per week. In progress.
    This also has not been consistent. I pray for other people and I praise God a lot, but I need to pray for myself and my needs. It’s not an L but more in progress.
  4. Noom: Update at least 3x per week. Accomplished. Adjusted but accomplished.
    I’ve canceled Noom because it’s much too expensive, and I prefer the use of Cronometer. I’ve lost 50+ this year, thanks to getting COVID-19 in February and not having any sense of smell or taste for the 6 months following, but I’m finally at a manageable weight I’m happy with. I’m down from the “obese” BMI category to the “overweight” category, and honestly, I’m okay with that. 20 lbs away from the minimum ideal BMI, but I’m fine with where I am.
  5. Exercise 1x per week for at least 10 minutes. Needs improvement.
    I did okay for the first 2 months of the year, then I got COVID-19 in February, and it was downhill from there. We’re going to try to pick this back up in 2025 with a modest goal of 1x per week either BODi or walking outside with a 10-minute minimum.
  6. Attend church 2x per month. Needs improvement.
    I started out really well earlier this year, and I’ve just fallen off the wagon. Thankfully, I’ve got Brian to keep me accountable. We’re keeping this goal as-is for 2025.
  7. Visit Mom on Long Island 2x this year. Accomplished.
    I’ve visited my Mom more than twice this year. And she’s finally retired! Free of taking care of everyone but herself! So she’s been down here recently more than we’ve gone up there, but I’d like to keep this goal as-is so I can go back and visit friends and snag some Ciro’s tortellini pizza.
  8. Book a massage once per quarter. Accomplished.
    Success! Managed it all this year. Let’s continue to carry over to prioritize my self-care.
  9. Complete YA steampunk novel by year’s end. Needs improvement.
    I did not get this done. Sad with myself, but I need to refocus on this goal. Completing this by the end of 2025 is extremely doable (Lord willing) but will require some extra dedication and sessions with Ruth.
  10. Meditate 1x per week. Fail.
    I haven’t been interested in meditating. It’s been a goal but an unrealistic one. Prayer is more important to me. This is not getting carried over.
  11. Duolingo: 2x per week for 10-15 minutes. Fail.
    I’m always finding excuses not to do this or not in the mood for it. I’m not going to make it a goal (I’ve got enough already), but I will do it as I can (or feel like).
  12. Hand journal 2x per month. Needs improvement.
    I went several months not hand journaling on and off. I think this is a doable goal, but I’m not carrying it over. I will journal when I damn well please.
  13. Substack post 1x per month. Fail.
    I haven’t written a Substack post since March. I vacillate on whether to keep this or my WordPress blog updated, but either way, I don’t think I’ll carry this over.
  14. Blog on WordPress 1x per month. Fail.
    I haven’t updated this blog since June, which I suppose is better than anticipated. I need to choose between updating this blog or Substack—not both. Whether I’ll make either a goal, I’m not sure. I’d like to keep this on my radar, but along with completing my novel, I’m not sure this will be realistic.
  15. Take 3 LinkedIn Learning Courses by year’s end. Fail.
    I took 1 course and that was on “surviving a layoff.” (facepalm) I may make this a goal for 2025, but either reduce it to 1x per year or 1x per 6 months.
  16. Watch 3 TED/TEDx talks this year. Fail.
    I may have watched 1 TED talk this year? It might have even been at the end of 2023 and I’m imagining it occurred in early 2024. TED Talks are only 10-15 minutes so it’s not an unachievable goal. I may adjust this to 1x per 6 months, and if it gets done more than that, super hooray.

By the way, I really, really, really hate this WordPress block editor, it’s not user friendly or intuitive. I really, really hate it.

Relevant work experience: company restructuring

~ K ~ Leave a comment
Photo of a Black man looking sad with a cardboard cutout written behind him with the words "I was downsized" on it.
Photo by Ron Lach

It finally got me. After nearly 10 years in corporate America, having dodged layoffs in the past, it got me this time.

It is the worst feeling in the world.

I know. “Business is business” and there were multiple factors that contributed to the decision. However, knowing that this was also an opportunity to get rid of people who have been problematic makes me feel uncertain.

The company has been really generous, providing me with 3 weeks of severance pay along with 2 months’ notice. For all the lousiness that is being laid off, I can’t complain about the company. They’ve been kind enough to keep me employed for 2 more months to allow me to land on my feet. Of course, the hope is that I find something within those 2 months, but I anticipate it will take that long for even a job offer among applying, rounds of interviews, and potential rejections. I received a rejection email from a job I really wanted the same day I got laid off. Talk about it raining and pouring.

I’ve allowed myself to be depressed for the past few days and lick my wounds. However, I have promised myself and other people that I will not get stuck in a mire, and I’m forcing myself to come out of it this weekend. Even though I know business hours during weekdays will be a challenge for a while, I am committed to remaining a good employee until my final day. I’ll have my days in which I’m discouraged, but I’d also like to get back to a place where words aren’t blurry and English makes sense.

April 28, 2024 prompt

~ K ~ Leave a comment

When do you feel most productive?

I feel most productive on a day off when I’m getting a lot of stuff on my to-do list done. Making appointments, paying bills, answering important emails, completing important documents… personal productivity seems more satisfying than work productivity. But I rarely have time for personal productivity between standard business hours of 9-5.

I also feel somewhat productive after writing a scene or two in my novel. It’s some sort of self-accomplishment productivity. It gives me a sense of satisfaction also.

Although I am working on making sure that productivity doesn’t determine my worth.

Christians should have perfect lives is a false gospel

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Why, as Christians, do we always expect an easy, rosy life because we believe in God and Jesus has overcome death and victory?

Y’all need to remember that Christ had a rough life and he warned us that we would, too. Jesus ain’t neva promised us roses.

I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take courage; I have overcome the world! —John 16:33 (BSB)

Yes, God has overcome the world. But he legit warned us that life would not be easy and it would be hard. Anyone who tells you that your life is wonderful just because you have God and/or Jesus in your life is preaching a false gospel. Run far, far away. And don’t confuse the idea of a “wonderful” life with a “joyful” life. Joyful is a state of being of the person; a wonderful life describes that the person is living without any troublesome situations. It is possible to have a crappy life, but be joyful in the situation.

I’m guilty for taking verses out of context, but I think we can still learn the truth behind these verses alone.

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. —1 Peter 4:12

This was written specifically to Christians being persecuted for their faith. But the general idea still applies to Christians today. Why are we surprised when we have troublesome situations in our lives, some that we didn’t even cause? We expect, “Hey, God, I’m a good person. Bad things shouldn’t happen to me.” Again, that’s a false gospel. The New Testament stresses in various ways that yes, we will suffer. We will go through “ordeals.” And every time—every single time—we’re shocked as if our faith was supposed to prevent us from lousy situations.

News flash: We’re kinda promised crappy experiences because that’s what Jesus experienced. As Christians, if we are following in Jesus’s shoes/footsteps, life will not be easy. And for belief in Jesus, that is the sacrifice we have to be willing to make.

An aside as I wrap up:

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. —1 Corinthians 10:13

I came across this verse and realized this is likely where the “God won’t give you more than you can handle” saying came from. But from my perspective, this is about temptation. The strong appeal of doing something sinful or wrong that you feel like you cannot escape. God is saying that we can exercise impulse control here (no matter how hard it is). Of course, it would be preferable that always try to avoid temptation, but we often don’t. Because we’re sinful. And because we are human. Even if you *do* fall into the temptation, God will provide a way out in the sense that, even though you may have done things wrong, He will be with you and help you through it, regardless of the consequences so that you can endure, or work through it.

God tells us in the Bible over and over and over and over that he will never leave us or forsake us. If someone keeps repeating the same thing over and over, maybe it means it’s important, and it’s time that we listen?

  • 1 Kings 8:57
  • Deuteronomy 31:6
  • Deuteronomy 31:8
  • Hebrews 13:5
  • Joshua 1:5

2024 Goals

~ K ~ Leave a comment

2024

Hi. I’m not back. I have no delusions of resurrecting this site anymore. lol. But this was always the place I came to document my goals. Aaand to be quite honest, I haven’t had any goals in a while other than to survive. I have a lot of goals. I could pare them down, but I’ll order them in priority. I’m not resolving myself to complete these goals in their entirety. They’re just that—goals. I hope to make some progress during 2024. This is all a lot. I’ll need to make a note to myself to come back in late December 2024 and see what habits I’ve established for 2025. (Note: It is currently difficult to prioritize these goals apart from number 1.)

2024 Goals

  1. Read 6 full books for the year.
    a. Theologizin’ Bigger (reread)
    b. So You Want to Talk About Race
    c. Rising Strong
    d. The Councilman
    e. Unclobber
    f. Red, White & Royal Blue
  2. Read 2 chapters of the Bible 1 day per week.
  3. Pray in the morning for 5-10 minutes 1 day per week.
  4. Noom: Update at least 3x per week.
  5. Exercise 1x per week for at least 10 minutes.
  6. Attend church 2x per month.
  7. Visit Mom on Long Island 2x this year.
  8. Book a massage once per quarter.
  9. Complete YA steampunk novel by year’s end.
  10. Meditate 1x per week.
  11. Duolingo: 2x per week for 10-15 minutes.
  12. Hand journal 2x per month.
  13. Substack post 1x per month.
  14. Blog on WordPress 1x per month.
  15. Take 3 LinkedIn Learning Courses by year’s end.
  16. Watch 3 TED/TEDx talks this year.

Blank slate

~ K ~ Leave a comment
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

So many things to blog about but somehow my mind is a blank slate. (Why do I feel like I say this all the time on this blog? I have 13 years of content on here so obviously I must have something to say.)

But it’s not just about being a blank slate. It’s about organizing my thoughts coherently so they make sense to others.

I want to write a whole post about my son having ADHD, his behavior reminding me of my own when I was his age, and how I’ve sought therapy and medical care for him high and low. (Don’t fuck with mommas and their kids.) But I can’t seem to muster the energy.

Then there are other things: news and current events—Uvalde shooting, the Russo-Ukrainian War, crime increasing in general, and COVID-19 and how people need to slowly start acclimating to the reality that this disease will never be eradicated anytime soon.

I don’t normally write short blog posts. I’m one of those writers who tend to write lengthy rambles. But I got nuthin’ for ya today.

Podcasts

~ K ~ Leave a comment
Courtesy of Adobe Stock/Alex from the Rock

This is going to be a really short post.

I don’t get podcasts. I don’t get why they’re a thing. I don’t get why people like to listen to them so much. People fall asleep in church listening to a sermon, but those same people can turn on an audio recording and listen to someone blather on about who knows what.

I find this different from audiobooks as audiobooks are an accessible form of reading or a convenient way to “read” a book without having to flip actual pages. Audiobooks are just as good as reading an actual book.

But this podcast stuff is everywhere and anyone can have a podcast. You don’t need to be famous, you don’t need to be special. All you need is access to doing some podcast stuff and make it public. I don’t know how a podcast is any different from talk radio except that you don’t have crazy callers making things funny.

I’ve been on a podcast and it’s the only podcast I’ve ever listened to in its entirety. I tried listening to Michelle Obama’s podcast when it first came out, and I could not be sleepier. If people want to hear me rant unimpeded about various topics, I’ll do so, but I’ll also function as a hypocrite in saying that I don’t listen to other podcasts and I have no desire to.

But ultimately, reader, you do you.

Planned Parenthood provides healthcare

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Planned Parenthood (PP) is a place that no longer scares me. When I needed an outpatient medical procedure done (not an abortion), PP was the only medical facility around that could take care of me quickly. I called gynecologists and other doctor’s offices; there was at least a week’s wait. I called urgent care; it was a procedure they didn’t do. And no way would the hospital have considered it an urgent medical need. But I was having issues that needed to be addressed right away.

Continue reading “Planned Parenthood provides healthcare” →

Diversity and inclusivity

~ K ~ Leave a comment

I found a new church last fall but have only really begun attending in earnest in February or March of this year. New job, new church, who dis?

It’s the kind of church I’ve been looking for but thought I’d never find: diverse and inclusive. Solid Biblical preaching while also being LGBTQ+ affirming. All kinds of races, ages, and genders. Single people are valued just as much as people who have partners. It’s kinda scary how much I love my church TBH. Nothing in life can be this perfect.

It’s a complete 180 from where I’ve come: my church has a female pastor and sings worship songs that I probably would’ve made fun of 3 years ago. (The songs are growing on me actually. But my son doesn’t care for them.)

I’m also at a job that is diverse and inclusive. These are specific areas that I’ve wanted to target in the past few years, and I feel blessed that God is providing these opportunities.