Success: What Does It Mean?

What does success mean to you?

I look at others and often think, I’m not as successful as so-and-so who has a moderately trafficked blog (or writes for Reuters or appears on television). There are so many people I can compare myself to, and yes, it’s a bad habit, I know— comparing myself to others.

But I overlook the fact that I’m successful in my own way. I am juggling three clients for my editing business and have a fourth (a company that I’ve had to turn down repeatedly) knocking at my door. I should feel as though I’ve attained some level of achievement seeing as I’m actually pulling in enough hours to constitute a part-time job. But I don’t. I’m never happy with what I’ve done or achieved. Once I’ve hit a goal, I almost never pat myself on the back for a job well done; I’m setting a new goal that’s even harder to obtain and often dismiss the goal that I’ve attained as merely being too easy.

Am I being too vague? Perhaps. I just know that I need to bask in the momentary glow of my success a little bit more rather than brushing it aside as a speck of dust.

How do you handle success or successful moments?

Exciting Times Ahead

I’m in the midst of a busy season this July. Fresh off a fun weekend with my cousins who live near Washington, D.C., I’m back at work until Thursday evening when I go visit my other cousin who lives near Fort Lauderdale, Florida. I finished my 9-day proofreading stint at the advertising agency and registered with another advertising agency that may need my editorial services off-site.

I’m really excited about the new advertising agency as a client. It will help me to build my repertoire, hone my skills, and do what I love to do on a more regular basis while still being able to work at the library to bring in steady income.

 

Don’t Stop Believing

I just finished 9-day stint at a contract job as a proofreader/editor. I’m sorry to say that I think I did a piss-poor job. I wish I could have talked to someone there about it, but alas, I was just the freelancer.

I worked full-time for 9 days and it has just about worn me out. My body is so used to working part-time that temporarily working full-time wreaked hell on my body. My sleep has gotten better, though, because I’m so exhausted at the end of the day.

Reading material on paper all day has made me not want to read books at the end of the day. My eyes are tired. I’m lucky to be even typing this.

I haven’t been able to do any deep thinking lately because all of my time has been occupied by working the daily 9-5 grind. I’m devoid of interesting things to say.

Working my contract job has made me wonder if I still have the chops to be a good editor. Whether I’m still cut out for editing and writing. Whether I’m good at anything at all any more. I feel discouraged about my career. If I’m not good at anything other than checking people in and out at the library, maybe I shouldn’t quit my day job after all.

Yankee in the Suburbs: Dispatches from an Unfinished Day

I am a Yankee (through and through – New York, baby!) in the ‘burbs, writing about my day, thoughts, and blatherings. Continue reading “Yankee in the Suburbs: Dispatches from an Unfinished Day”

Randomprocity

So I’ve been silent on the blog, mainly because I have very little to talk about. I’m staying silent on politics because I’ve chosen to be willfully ignorant about the election because I don’t feel like losing friends over elections like I did in 2004 and 2008. To me, it’s just not worth it. (Although I have my uninformed opinions about things.)

Things are still quiet on the infertility front. A medical procedure needs to be performed and we’re waiting on our doctor to give the all-clear for it.

I’ve been exercising regularly for the past week and changing my eating habits, which has so far led to a 1.6-lb weight loss. Hoorah!

What I would really like to do, though, is write a story, but I just don’t have any ideas left in me. I’m consumed by reading a plethora of bad books (Fifty Shades, Phoenix Rising) and hoping that I can somehow conjure up a short story from somewhere inside me. Nothing doin’, though.

When I think of my relationships with my coworkers, it’s very formal and polite. I guess I’m not a casual, relaxing person. I wish I made friends much more easily. When I think of my cousins, they are considerate, thoughtful, and people-oriented.

Shame.

I recently read a book by Ed Welch called Shame Interrupted. When I told my husband that I don’t really struggle with shame, he challenged me on this: “What about your legs?”

Touché.

The significance of the shame I have of my legs is that I have a condition called ichthyosis combined with eczema. Ichthyosis causes my skin to look pretty bad. In fact, it’s rough, scaly skin akin to that of a fish-like quality. You’ll never catch me wearing shorts or a short skirt without pantyhose outside of my home. That’s shame.

The reason I thought I didn’t deal with shame is because I viewed it as victimization shame, something I have limited knowledge of. I’ve been fortunate not suffer from any physical or sexual abuse so when I think of shame, I often think of the shame associated with being abused. But there’s shame that comes with being picked last for a team in school. There’s shame that comes when everyone knows you got passed over for a job. There’s shame that comes when you realize that you no longer fit into your old clothes because you’ve gotten too big.

So the more I think about it, the more I realize shame is a subject with which I am far too intimately acquainted.

Ed Welch suggests overcoming this a lot of this shame by recognizing Jesus took on shame for us when he went to the cross and died. When he rose again, he also conquered our shame. By trusting in him, we are made clean rather than unclean. We are consecrated rather than contaminated.

But I will probably still wear pants and long skirts.

Watching and Reading

Recently, I watched a documentary on President Bill Clinton called American Experience: Clinton that I found simply fascinating. It’s amazing how much Clinton’s legacy would have changed had he not gotten involved in the whole Monica Lewinsky affair. I found Clinton to be a fascinating president who, no matter how much experience he had, could have not possibly been prepared for the demands of the office, but still somehow found a way to make tough decisions that weren’t really popular with either party.

I have been reading Eat, Pray, Love and find the book to be dreadful. This isn’t the first memoir that I’ve read (Mennonite in a Little Black Dress was better) so I’m surprised by how much I dislike the author who left her husband, engaged in an extramarital affair during the divorce process, and proceeded to bribe a customs official during her stay in Bali, Indonesia. I’m surprised the book was as popular as it was given that the author seems to be self-absorbed (more so in the first third of the book rather than toward the end). Although reading Ms. Gilbert’s tripe make me want to write tripe of my own.

On the other hand, I just finished Man in the Music about Michael Jackson’s music and artistry and found that to be insightful and intriguing. I’d recommend that book for anyone who is interested in Michael Jackson and his work. It’s a five-star book.