Personal Failure and a Gospel Living Mindset

I suffered a personal failure recently and found God challenging me on how I would respond to it. To be honest, my first instinct was to check out on life. But through the failure, I learned that I do not know how to handle failure. As a child, I was never taught how to handle failure. I was always taught that if at first you don’t succeed, you don’t accept failure as an option, you try harder.

I recently learned that’s not the way to handle things. The chart below is helping me to accept that failure is

  • a part of life
  • okay
  • a way to learn grace
  • a learning experience
  • something that reminds me I won’t be kicked out of God’s kingdom

Remembering my identity, who I am in Christ, will help me to navigate the ups and frequent downs of life as I should. Thereby assisting in me in trying to take the easy way out of life.

Forgiveness

 

Yesterday, I discovered some communication that took a potshot at my work, which was very painful. I suppose the worst part of it was that I didn’t think it was so bad. I had the feeling I’d been getting the runaround in some way, which has really been frustrating, and quite frankly, unprofessional.

My husband encouraged me to forgive the person who hurt me, but honestly, I just could not find a way to. Not yet. I Corinthians 13: 4-8 lists the key qualities of love (which the followers of Jesus are supposed to live out):

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

The NIV translation says this:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

On Sunday, my pastor preached a bit on forgiveness and said challenged the congregation:

Is it really forgiveness if you say, ‘Oh, I forgive you but you really hurt me!’ or ‘I forgive you but you have to pay’ or ‘I forgive you’ then bring the incident up again later? No, it’s not forgiveness.

I am not forgiving because I will talk about this again. I will bring this up again later. I currently am all the the things I should not be: irritable, resentful, unkind, impatient, self-seeking, and keeping a record of wrong, among many other things. My pastor said forgiveness is not a one-time act; it’s a process. I will need to forgive the person who hurt me again and again.

I just can’t right now. Not yet. But I am determined to.

And somehow, I’m supposed be thankful in all things, which actually, this situation has made a bit easy in that I’m thankful I will not have to interact with these people on a daily basis!

Google’s Broken Tasks Promise

I am a dedicated Google user. From Gmail to Google Calendar to Google Search, I like the ease of use of most Google products. (Yes, they have too much information on me.)

Google Calendar is the Google feature I most next to Gmail. After Google Calendar, the feature I use most (or would use more often) is Google Tasks.

Let’s talk about Google Tasks. Continue reading “Google’s Broken Tasks Promise”

Why I Don’t Like Writing Prompts for Blog Posts

The questions tend to be closed-ended and leave very little room for me to expound. Case in point, the following question from WordPress:

Q. Do you feel obligated to finish all books you start reading?

A. Only if I’ve read more than 50 pages.

 

“The Help”: In Defense of a White Woman Writing about Black Women

Apparently there was an uproar about Kathryn Stockett’s best-selling novel, The Help, about black maids oppressed by their white employees. Now that the movie’s out, the uproar is even louder. Tons of people (both white and black) have claimed the book is racist and historically inaccurate. Ms. Stockett isn’t doing too bad in spite of this—at a nearby speaking engagement, she was charging $65 for admission.

I pose the question, then, that my husband posed to me last night: why is it racist if a white woman writes about black women experiencing racism but not racist if a black woman writes about how white women treated black woman during a time of racism?

As a writer, I say Ms. Stockett is free to express her mind about her “fictionalized” book. (I’ve heard that The Help is really a fictionalized version of true stories from Mississippi.) It’s a novel which means that it’s fiction which means that it doesn’t need to be the most historically accurate book ever.

As a black woman, did The Help offend me? A little. I bristled during the first hundred pages of the book. Then I jumped to the end to see if the author had some kind of Afterword, which she did. I’m not sure I would have continued reading the book had I not read the Afterword. It makes me wonder whether Stockett was a little girl influenced by a black maid who just suddenly disappeared because her racist momma might have fired her and was atoning for her parents’ sins.

There is nothing Sambo-ish or overtly racist about this book. (Maybe the movie is different?) The main black women, Aibileen and Minny, are not idiots. I think Stockett happened to do a very good job of portraying black women who lived in the mundane: they were maids beholden to white employers who didn’t physically abuse them but still mistreated them. So these black women got back at them in a mundane way.

People complain that Skeeter is the white woman who “rescues” these black women. I see Skeeter as part of the majority ruling system that helped to make things right (again) in the a somewhat mundane way. She didn’t lobby Congress or hold hands with Minny and walk down the street in a march. She turned a racist institution upside down by publishing a book about black maids dishing on what it’s like to work in white households. Skeeter would have been nothing without the black maids who shared this information with her so no, they weren’t necessarily beholden to the “white woman” to “rescue” them.

America is a free country last I checked, and Stockett is free to write about black women as she imagines them just as Alice Walker is free to write about white women as she imagines them without being racist. Was there a lot about the civil rights movement that was left out? Heck yes! It’s very much (as Melissa Harris Perry argued against) Real Housewives of Jackson, Mississippi with a definite focus on the white women in the households. But there’s a lens that focuses in on the maids in those households too.

Black people are rarely (if ever) satisfied when white people write about racially sensitive times such as the early 1960s. White people don’t ever seem to get it right because they don’t seem to “understand” the plight of black people from those eras. But that’s what imaginations are for. And with the millions of black women in America during the 1960s, it leaves a world of possibilities.

Preggomagnetism

Preggomagnetism: The basic mechanism by which pregnancy announcements of others are drawn to infertile couples.

In the past 3 months, I’ve learned of 8 women who are pregnant. After 2 years of dealing with this, I should be used to it. I should start being happy for all of them and stop being bitter. I keep trying to tell myself that I’ll one day join that happy category but month after month goes by and I’m still childless.

I’ve finally made steps to join a local infertility support group. Why not? I can piss and moan about not having kids to other people who feel the same way.

A friend has kindly told me that I need to stop comparing myself to other people. This has made me realize my habit of “Keeping Tabs on the Joneses” rather than “Keeping up with the Jonses.” I have the ability to look at what everyone else has and think wistfully, Gee, I wish I could have that.

Perhaps it’s my friend’s maturity in age and longevity of infertility that allowed her to not experience that problem. I suppose there’s something to be said for the resiliency developed the longer one deals with the problem.

Infertility (when you don’t want it) is a curse. Of course, there are those well-meaning people who say, “Enjoy the time you and your husband have! You’ll never get it back!” or “Enjoy your child-free years! God is using this period to teach you something valuable!”

Bottom line: there is no blessing in dealing with pain, grief, and hurt month after month. It’s hard not to be angry with God because He chooses to bless some couples with kids and doesn’t allow others to have any. Because health insurance costs have become an issue, my husband and I will not be able to pursue infertilty treatments for the rest of the year. We’re praying for a miracle.

But not expecting one at all.