Tag: postaday2011

Changing the Road Map to Match the Ground

~ K ~ 1 Comment
Image from maps.google.com

Since August 2009, I put my life on hold, hoping that our family would have expanded by now. As of February 2011, it hasn’t. And as of February 2011, I realized that I keep putting my life on hold for something that isn’t here and is nowhere close. So I’m moving forward with my life, come what may.

The more I try to plan my life, the more God messes with my plans. I had my life figured out at 18: get married at 25 and children at 30. I got married at 23, but I guess I’m on track for children at 30.

I’ve said before that I don’t adapt well to change. I also don’t really like for God to screw with my plans. (I know, it’s like a 5-year-old telling the 45-year-old, “My way or the highway!” It just doesn’t work.)

So for once, I’m going to try to go along with “the road map on the ground,” as Elizabeth Edwards liked to say. I had a planned road map but it didn’t match the ground so my ideal map needs to change to reflect reality.

I’m contemplating pursuing a Master’s in Library Science, specifically in the field of digital libraries. I enjoy my job at the library immensely and hope this is something I can continue to do at 65 or 75 when I’m old and grumpy. I’m going to take my GRE, apply for scholarships, and hope that I can start a Master’s in the Spring of 2012.

I’ll also plow ahead on my novel. I will rewrite it and revise it this year and begin submitting queries to agents by the end of the year. Just in time before I become swamped with fifteen credits of classes for nearly 2 years.

I am moving forward, adapting my map to match the ground, and open to God screwing with whatever’s in my head. (He does anyway; I’m just going to make a more concerted attempt to not resist Him anymore.)

American Christians Don’t Know How to Suffer for Christ

~ K ~ 5 Comments

On Twitter, there’s a semi-joke in which someone will mention a problem (usually trivial) in his or her life followed by the hashtag, #firstworldproblems, meaning that the problem is most likely to occur in a Westernized country, ie, “Ran out of coffee grounds; Gonna be a rough morning. #firstworldproblems.” I’d like to propose the idea, however, that Westernized Christians, typically Americans (as I am one), deal with #firstworldXtianproblems.

During the past few months, I’ve been mulling over the idea that American Christians do not face the same problems as early Christians, Christians in other parts of the world, or even American Christians of yesteryear. The challenges American Christians—who I’ll refer to as ACs from now on—face are unique to this era and country. In fact, the problem for ACs is that… there’s no problem at all. We are much too comfortable.

As I sit comfortably in my bed in the cushy suburbs of Philadelphia, I think of people suffering in growing Christian churches in places like China or Iran. The suffering they experience so much more real than wondering whether I should go to church today because I’m so tired. By admitting Christ and him resurrected, they put their lives on the line for their beliefs. (And their belief in Christ is so real that many of them are martyred for their faith.) I highly believe that 90% of ACs would crack under that pressure if put into the same situation. How real is our suffering? How real is our faith?

When Jesus calls his followers to suffer for him, to give up their lives for him, to follow him, American Christians often think back to the Christians of the early church who were martyred, became fugitives, or met together secretly. ACs (except foreign missionaries) know nothing about fearing for their lives because of their faith, needing to hide their faith from their neighbor or government due to physical repercussions, or meeting in secret because of widespread federal and/or societal persecution. Here are some of the problems ACs typically face:

  • I don’t like this pastor. I think I’ll find a new church.
  • No one talks to me here. I could go in and out of church on a Sunday unnoticed.
  • This church is too big; I want to find one smaller.
  • There’s not enough activities for my children here.
  • It’s a dying congregation! Everyone’s old.
  • No women pastors for me. I’ll find something else.
  • I don’t like praise and worship bands. This place is too contemporary.
  • I don’t like that boring piano and organ. Those hymns make me sleepy. I need to find something upbeat!
  • Ew! They use the NIV [or Bible translation said person doesn’t like] here!

Granted, there are some legitimate concerns ACs may have with churches, ie, if a church isn’t using a Bible as its main source text for the service and sermon, it’s not a real (or good) Christian church. But most of the issues ACs have are trivial.

So what does it mean to forsake all and follow Jesus as ACs? Does it mean not investing in 401(k)s (for future security) in order to donate to a charitable organization that will help others in the here and now? Does it mean giving up the dream of owning a home in order to adopt a child and transform that kid’s life?

As ACs, we face many trivial problems that in the grand scheme of things, aren’t really a big deal. What we consider to be suffering, in many ways, is really just our way of complaining that we’re no longer comfortable. (First-world response: “The heater broke in our church! I’m not going to go to church to freeze my ass off.” A better response: “The heater’s broken at church so we need to bundle up a bit more to ensure that we can stay warm during the service.”)

Any ideas on what true suffering for American Christians looks like? Or do ACs not know what suffering for the sake of Christ really is?

Illuminating Each Step and No Farther

~ K ~ Leave a comment

I have been very oversensitive lately and keen to my mistakes. I’m at a crossroads right now where I’m feeling overwhelmed. Considering a number of options and I’m not sure which way is right, first, well, or good. But I will trust God like I did at NYU. Put one foot in front of the other and hope God illuminates each step. (He’s very good about not illuminating the rest of the way.)

“Thy word is lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.”

I’m reading a book… [video]

~ K ~ 2 Comments
Image from failblog.org

The library makes a cameo in the video below. See, kids? There IS a place kinda like Netflix and Blockbuster where you can rent books instead of having to buy them from Barnes & Noble or Amazon. What a revolutionary concept!

I’m a creep. I’m a weirdo. I wish I were special. I don’t belong here.

~ K ~ 2 Comments

This song describes how I often feel. (It’s also the only Radiohead song I like.)

Click here to listen to the studio version. Watch Street Corner Symphony’s shorter performance below.

Golden Slumbers

~ K ~ 2 Comments

Black woman tip: She ain’t really sleepin’ if her hair ain’t wrapped.

Image from essence.com

For the first time in a long time, my mind is blank. I am in this odd space where I have nothing to say and no insight to provide. I am not witty, clever, or thoughtful today. I’ll eventually get back to my Enjoying God series but I’m not quite there yet.

Perhaps that will change tomorrow.

“All I Want Is You”

~ K ~ 3 Comments

You say you’ll give me eyes in the moon of blindness / A river in a time of dryness /A harbour in the tempest / All the promises we make / From the cradle to the grave / When all I need is you
~ U2, “All I Want Is You” ~

The past few days have been a bit strange. I’ve gotten the sense that even though I’ve tried to turn my back on God and walk away from Him, it’s like I’m in His hand and if I run to jump off the edge, He simply cups the other hand underneath to catch me when I fall so I’m still securely within His grasp.

Rinse and repeat.

I’ve been angry, indifferent, frustrated… a variety of emotions that have me “shaking my fist at God,” so to speak. I try to say, “Look, God, don’t want You, don’t need You, go away” as He’s patiently listening, letting me think I’m escaping for a bit when I suddenly realize that He’s still there, right behind me. In a sense, it’s frustrating.

But on the other hand, rather liberating.

Because as I struggle through this spiritual depression, He’s made it very clear to me that He’s still near. In this odd time of feeling faithless and reading the Bible on and off, I’ve got the oddest assurance of salvation through Jesus Christ. (Considering that assurance of salvation is something I struggle with, this is no small feat.)

My pastor, counselor, and friends have challenged me in my faith and through this struggle, for which I am very thankful. I am still stressed and overwhelmed, but am very much getting the sense that God is here—somewhere—with me.

Thanks to all who have prayed/are praying.

Day 5 (and veritable ending) in the Life of a Christian Atheist

~ K ~ 1 Comment

I haven’t blogged for two days because other pressing matters took my attention on Thursday and then Friday, I was simply too exhausted. But my atheism pretty much ended on Thursday after I nearly got into accident and went into “Thank You, Jesus” mode for being spared. (Mini Coopers should NOT be on the roads!)

In any event, my atheism ended that day, and I decided that I’d probably slowly get back into Christianity. The odd thing is, once I decided that, I haven’t done my devotions or prayed since because I stopped actively thinking about how to avoid God and became a passive Christian again.

My faith in practice is rather frustrating.

Day 4 in the Life of a Christian Atheist

~ K ~ 3 Comments

I grew no closer to atheism today. Perhaps my life is fully entrenched in Christianity. Tomorrow certainly won’t be any better as I start off my morning by meeting with my church pastor.

  • Talked to a Christian friend who I haven’t spoken to in AGES, which really blessed me and lifted my spirits for a bit
  • Spoke to a good friend from church who I consider my sister-in-Christ/accountability buddy and she always—and I mean ALWAYS—sets me straight when I’m feeling lousy and sorry for myself
  • Still listened to that Solo Piano Pandora station that plays hymns
  • Received encouragement from an online friend through comments and email
  • Promised to pray for continued success for a friend NEXT WEEK (somehow this strikes me as funny—delayed prayer)
  • Said “Praise the Lord” again when a slowpoke driver finally got off the one-lane road

I could go on and on about the things I didn’t do but since I’m supposed to be an “atheist” this week; it doesn’t matter, right? For this week, no, it doesn’t.

If only I could cut myself this much slack as a Christian. While a Christian should care about the things he or she does for God each day, something’s wrong if that Christian obsesses about it. (Something I tend to do.) More of Mary and less of Martha.

Maybe I should be a Christian atheist for a little bit longer… but I can’t resist thanking God for a somewhat enjoyable birthday.

iPhone/iPad/iTouch Productivity: Lists & Tasks App Mania

~ K ~ 3 Comments

I’m an organizational/planning freak. As a result, I’m CRAZY about lists.

  • If there’s something to do, it goes on a list.
  • If there’s something I want to purchase, it goes on a list.
  • If there’s a book I want to read, there’s a list for that too. (Goodreads is fantastic, btw.)

I have grocery lists, travel lists, and wish lists. I am your List Maven Du Jour.

I received an iPhone for Christmas, and as a result, have been exploring the to-do list apps in Apple’s App Store. At one point, I downloaded about six (free) apps all at one time just so I could try out their features. (Note: An app that was free has since begun charging since I downloaded it.) A few of them were free “lite” apps meaning that they had limited features for you to try out before plunking down the cash to use the full version. I really appreciated this since I’m judicious about paying even $.99 for an app unless I know it’ll be good. I don’t download apps that cost money unless I’ve tried them for free first or their ratings are so spectacular that the app is likely to be good. (App Store users: PLEASE pay attention to ratings and reviews. They are your friend. They will spare you from forking over $1.99 for a prank app that looks real.)

So, I’ve made a list of pros and cons for each of my six apps. Some things I’ve listed as cons might be pros for you. This is not a comprehensive list of To-do/Task apps but simply the ones that I tried. I purposely avoided the super-popular ones like Remember the Milk and Toodledo (because they cost money). Hopefully you’ll find one that works for you.

[Update as of 1/30/2011: the basic Remember the Milk app is free for Apple mobile devices.]

Continue reading “iPhone/iPad/iTouch Productivity: Lists & Tasks App Mania” →

Day 1 in the Life of a Christian Atheist

~ K ~ 2 Comments
Image from axle_foley00 on flickr

Not so good on the atheism front, akshully.

While I didn’t go to church or pray today, I failed in my so-called atheism by:

I also had a lot of discussion with my husband about the catholic church, things that frustrate me about it, and things I don’t understand about it. My husband also admitted to me today that he did not want to be an atheist. Scaredy-cat. (Ha.)

The Beatles in My Life (I Love Them More)

~ K ~ 6 Comments

Image from Apple iTunes

I have a confession to make: I didn’t know about The Beatles until I was in 5th grade.

I grew up with Paul McCartney and was obsessed with his (at the time, vinyl) album All the Best, so I was rather familiar with Paul, Linda, and Wings. I’d also grown up listening to Beatles songs on the Lite FM station but I’d never actually paid attention to who they were. But I would know Paul if I heard him.

One day as I’m talking about my obsession with Paul McCartney and his music, a classmate looks at me funny and says sarcastically, “Um, you do know he was part of a huge band called The Beatles, right?”

That revelation changed my life. Continue reading “The Beatles in My Life (I Love Them More)” →