Tag: NYC

Life in Suburban Philadelphia

~ K ~ Leave a comment

NYC vs Philly

Living in Pennsylvania is better than I ever thought it would be. In some ways, I prefer it to New York.

Oh no! Did I just say that?

New York is all hustle and bustle, just the facts ma’am, I’m trying to get where I need to go. Everyone outside of New York seems a whole lot more laid back. Not Southern laid back, but certainly not as uptight.

I didn’t like Kentucky much when I lived there, mostly because I was unable to have a life. And, it had a pitiful mall. But at least it had a Barnes & Noble and Chick-Fil-A. That’s important.

But here in suburban Philadelphia (much like I was in suburban New York City), I have many of the accoutrements of the Northeast-living lifestyle. I have a great big mall that I adore (yay! King of Prussia!), a Barnes & Noble within 5 minutes, and my choice of Chick-Fil-A within a 25-minute range. (Okay, so Chick-Fil-A is not a New York thing except for food court at NYU’s Weinstein dorm.) The traffic around here is not as slow as the south, but much better paced than the craziness that surrounds New York City driving. People don’t necessarily smile and say hi (some of the older folks do) when walking past each other on the street. That’s all right by me.

They opened up a Container Store on Long Island. The closest one to me right now is in Cherry Hill, New Jersey. I am praying for a Container Store within 25 minutes of driving distance of my home. Praying, I say.

It’s great to have my husband’s family only 10 minutes down the street, and if need be during the day, a 5-minute walk to my mother-in-law’s job. (No sarcasm. Many people would joke that the in laws are a bad thing, but they’re not for me. I am very fortunate to have such a wonderful family.) If my mom wants to visit from New York, there’s an Amtrak stop less than 10 minutes away from where I live.

I never thought I’d be content living in a state outside of the great state of New York. I didn’t know that settling into suburban Philly life would feel like a second skin. I love my job at the library, and I would be loathe to give it up. I like the flexibility that freelance life brings with the work that comes and goes. I enjoy my Bible-believing church.

I love the neighborhood I live in. I live along a major road that’s busy during the day then gets quiet at night. I live right across from the SEPTA train station, and love to hear the trains occasionally. (The sound barriers are pretty darn good.)

I love occasionally traveling out to Lancaster County to Shady Maple Smorgasbord to eat or Shady Maple Farm Market to do some grocery shopping. Amish people, or Dutch country, are the heart of Pennsylvania culture. I’m beginning to love it all.

I’ll always be a native New Yorker, and my first allegiance will likely be to where I grew up for 23 years of my life. But as a transplanted New Yorker near Philadelphia, I’ve learned that Philly is not so bad. And in fact, will just do quite fine.

Day 16 of Enjoying God: Trust

~ K ~ Leave a comment
Image from anna.aero

Trust isn’t necessarily so much an attribute of God that I need to enjoy as much as I need to employ this quality in myself to enjoy God more.

Issues of trust also lead into issues of control. The thing is, I’m a control freak, and I have this crazy idea that I know things better than God does. (Also see Day 12: Contentment.) If God would just give me control of this, everything would turn out okay. I don’t ever say this out loud but through my actions, I like to tell Jesus, “Hey, buddy, pull over and let me drive. I think I can navigate this messy New York traffic a whole lot better than you can.”

To be clichéd and quote Carrie Underwood’s 2005 hit song, I need to let “Jesus Take the Wheel.” In my life, Jesus is akin to a seasoned NYC taxicab driver who can get me to where I need to go while minimizing all the bumps along the way. Sometimes, like in a NYC taxicab, I use my imaginary emergency brake because I think I could do a whole lot better but Jesus knows what he is doing and (unlike real NYC taxicabs) he never puts me in unnecessary danger.

The crazy thing about the Christian life is that believers in Jesus have a hard time handing over the lease on their lives to the man they call their Lord and Savior. However, these same people have very little problem handing over their lives to a pilot (they’ve never met and don’t even know) on a plane.

Perhaps it’s time for me to place at least as much trust in Someone I claim to have a personal relationship with as the unknown guy who takes my plane 39,000 feet in the air and then safely lands it.

Painting Pictures of Egypt

~ K ~ 1 Comment

Lady LibertyA friend I have went to NYC recently and met up with a few friends. She explored the city, took lots of pictures, and seemed to have a blast.

Then I found myself thinking, “Why don’t I still live there, Lord? Why am I not there?”

Of all things, I wasn’t jealous because she was spending time with people she cared about nor was I jealous that she had a good time.

I was upset not because she was in New York but because I wasn’t.

How pathetic is that?

In recent months, I’ve been struggling with the issue of identity:

  • “Who am I?”
  • “Yes, I’m a Christian and need to find my identity in Jesus but what does that mean? It sounds so theoretical and abstract.”
  • “What does it mean to be Black in America?”
  • “Does race matter?”

I thought I’d let the New York thing go. It was a big struggle when I moved to Kentucky considering how much I hated Kentucky but I’ve been content in Philadelphia. So why do pictures of Manhattan and Brooklyn get me nostalgic for the days of going to NYU and attending my old church in the quaint section of Brooklyn Heights? Why? Would I trade what I have now (a husband who loves and cares for me) for what I had back then (single, depressed, no one)?

I’m a fool so I struggle with this.

I suppose what makes things harder is that the prospect of living in New York ever again is about as likely as the prospect of living in Kentucky again. Zero. I never loved Kentucky, I never grew up in Kentucky, Kentucky was never my home.

Sara Groves talks about “Painting Pictures of Egypt” and “leaving out what it lacked.” Perhaps I’m doing that with New York. When I think of living at NYU, I don’t think of the time I wandered dark alleyways at 2 or 3 am in the morning, hoping I’d get raped or murdered. I don’t think of how I frequently walked the Manhattan streets alone and lonely, eyeing couples and friends with jealousy because I possessed neither of those things. I simply think of the exhilarating feeling I’d get when I walked to class near Washington Square in the winter while flurries dropped just because I lived in New York.

  • I got high off of living in Manhattan. I love the city. Sure, it smells like pee but it’s a place I loved to call home.
  • I’m proud to tell people that I was born in Brooklyn and raised there for the first five years of my life.
  • I have a love for the Yankees that runs deep. No matter how bad they suck, they’re always World Champs in my heart. (On the contrary, I have a hatred for the Red Sox that runs deep.) 😉
  • My family, namely my mother and grandmother, live in New York and I miss them all so dearly.
  • I have friends from middle school that I talk to infrequently but still care about and miss spending time with.

If you asked me which city was the best in the world, I’d tell you New York. I just love that place.

However, I feel terrible because my friend was having a wonderful time visiting places and friends and the main emotion I could muster was jealousy. And like the fool I am, I had no words for her other than “I’m jealous.” Those words started out as a figure of speech but then evolved into actual jealousy. She didn’t warrant that. My sin and identity issues shouldn’t be her problem.

So it’s back to the drawing board yet again. For all my nostalgia, I’m putting my primary identity in the wrong thing. My primary identity is not native New Yorker. My primary identity is Christian. And whenever anything or anyone dethrones Christ; it’s wrong and it’s sin. And I need to repent.