Tag: fear

Blogging: I Love It and Hate It + Assorted Rambling

~ K ~ 6 Comments

Building traffic and revving up my SEO marketing sounds nice in theory, but I don’t have time for it. While I love writing, I am daunted by a blog’s need for content. It is always hungry, never satiated, always wanting more.

I don’t blog every day because, frankly, I have nothing of value to add each day. I don’t want this blog to become “I had a good day today because my family was here!” or “I had a horrible day today. Worst day EVAR!!!” I want this blog to be somewhat smart and interesting. I want to tackle topics that are important to me that other people don’t talk about. (Well, I could talk about poop but moms of newborns have that covered.) Okay, maybe I’ll tackle politics this year.

I have several blogs, each focused on a different topic: Pop! Goes the Music focuses on pop music but I’ll probably only post to that when I feel like it rather than trying to establish a regular posting schedule. I’ve been upfront on depression introspection that the site is rarely updated and mainly offered as a resource. I also have a professional blog about the dynamics of the American English language.

Posting to This Journey Is My Own is still fun. I don’t do it often, much of my posts are scheduled (thanks to prompts), and I blog when I want to rather than feeling like I need to (as with my professional blog). I also like that my readership is moderate despite that wacky 992 e-mail subscriber number. Continue reading “Blogging: I Love It and Hate It + Assorted Rambling” →

Day 17 of Enjoying God: Sleep (in Heavenly Peace)

~ K ~ 1 Comment
Image from indianasleep.com

In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You alone, O LORD, make me to dwell in safety. —Psalm 4:8

I’m writing this right now because I’m tired and could really use some sleep.

But I think it’s also interesting that in Psalm 4:8, the psalmist chooses to sleep in peace. The psalmist is able to comfortably lay his head down because he trusts in the Lord to protect Him and take care of Him. (There’s that pesky trust word again.)

The Bible has a lot to say on different aspects about sleep but sleeping in peace throughout the Bible represents a healthy fear of the Lord. Not necessarily the fear and trembling aspect but the reverential sovereign awe attributed to the God of the universe. It is only when when we are able to respect (deference to a right, privilege, privileged position; proper acceptance; acknowledgment) God’s place in our lives that we are able to sleep soundly in peace and without fear (being afraid).

Perhaps this should have been a post on fear of the Lord, but it was cool to discover how to enjoy God through the peace and restfulness He provides us with, even in our sleep. (Ah, rest… a topic for another day.)

The fear of the LORD leads to life, so that one may sleep satisfied, untouched by evil. —Proverbs 19:23

Don’t fear the reaper

~ K ~ 2 Comments

Am I fearful? Fear is a focus on phantoms of the theoretical future. But the future is God’s, not mine; mine is only the present moment. I am fearful because I’m thinking I have to live the rest of my life. But I don’t. I only have to live the next five minutes. To me belongs obedience; to Him belongs outcomes.

…

Am I depressed? The concept of doing “the next thing” is just the ticket. Granted, I am far too weak to go on with life—but I can do a load of laundry. And after that I can make the kids breakfast. And after that I can pick up the phone and call a deacon for help on balancing that checkbook. One foot in front of the other: Do “the next thing.” — The next thing by Andrée Seu

grim reaperI have been pondering death a lot lately. Each night, I give my husband multiple kisses and hugs “good night” in the event I may not see him alive in the morning. I have a huge fear of waking up next to my husband’s cold, lifeless body. Creepy thought isn’t it?

Then I think to how I should react: keep it together and call the police, scream and cry forever, and the most unlikely—shock from the sight and terrifying realization that I’m now widowed causes me to fall over and have a heart attack, joining him in eternity.

My life has always been ruled by fear in one way or another: mostly in social situations. Now, I’m afraid of losing those I love.

I’m afraid of not seeing my mom (who lives all the way in New York) again. I’m afraid that the next time the phone rings, it’ll be a call telling me my 99-year-old beloved grandmother has passed on from old age (she’s in perfectly good health otherwise). My father’s death came out of the blue; who’s next? No one is guaranteed tomorrow.

Then my husband’s grandfather’s suicide was a shock that I still haven’t gotten over. Sure, I’ve accepted the fact that he’s gone but the way he went… it’s still unbelievable.

Am I afraid of dying so much? A little. I’m a bit afraid of what it will be like to go but I don’t worry for others after me. They’ll be fine. Whenever that is.

But if I lose my husband, I’ll be lost. I’m dependent on him for nearly everything. I don’t want to live my life without him. And God can take him away if He wants but I don’t want Him to. I went from my mother’s house to being a wife. I have no idea what it’s like to be “independent.” I’m afraid that I’ll sadly fail to survive without my husband and my mom around. I think of how life could suck. I think of how life used to suck. And it doesn’t feel that way. Life really is good right now.

Thinking about losing my husband to death makes me appreciate every kiss and hug I get from him. I don’t want any regrets in death—his or mine. But I need to stop my fear of losing him and begin enjoying living with him again.