Tag: failure

Changes

~ K ~ Leave a comment

When it comes to change in my life, I try to be an incremental person, incorporating it gradually. For example, when it comes to getting to the gym, I’ve decided that I will go on weekends when I have no interruptions. I’m not the type to vow to go to the gym every day (anymore) because it’s something I know I would fail at. So my minimum to go to the gym is once a week. And I try to exercise for 45-60 minutes while I’m there.

I used to be an all-at-once person when I was younger, thinking I could take on the world on a whim. But I’m a little wiser now. There was a time when I would have vowed to exercise 5 days a week and completed that feat for… a week. Now, with my goal to get to the gym once a week, it sets me up for success. I’ve found that it’s doable, I’m consistent, and much more likely to go.

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I’m also having change in another form. There’s the possibility that I might score another client for my fledgling editorial business, which is exciting. I try not to worry too much about my grammar and spelling on this website since I have to worry about it in every other aspect of my life.

The Story I’m Telling Myself vs. The True Story

~ K ~ 5 Comments
Image from barbarahaleannex.com

Inspired by Michael Hyatt’s post:  http://michaelhyatt.com/change-your-story-change-your-life.html

The Story I’m Telling Myself
  • I’m too young.
  • I’ve failed before. I’ll fail again.
  • I’ll never be as successful as other people.
  • I am not a business person.
  • I don’t have a business mindset.
  • Getting these clients is a fluke; I won’t get any more.
  • I don’t have enough experience against other people who have been doing this for decades.
  • I’m a newbie; no one will want to use my services.
The True Story
  • I am young and new at this, and I may stumble along the way, but I can view my failures as a learning experience and overcome them.
  • I can think of new ways to market myself and focus on professional customer service.
  • God has given me two clients to show me that He trusts me with this work.
  • I cannot measure my success as competing with other people but by gaining steady work.
  • I have one fully edited book behind me which shows I can get work done. I can finish what I start.
  • I will read and learn how to conduct a business and charge competitive rates to lure new clients.
Now, I just have to believe what’s true. Believing it is more difficult than writing it.

Personal Failure and a Gospel Living Mindset

~ K ~ 2 Comments

I suffered a personal failure recently and found God challenging me on how I would respond to it. To be honest, my first instinct was to check out on life. But through the failure, I learned that I do not know how to handle failure. As a child, I was never taught how to handle failure. I was always taught that if at first you don’t succeed, you don’t accept failure as an option, you try harder.

I recently learned that’s not the way to handle things. The chart below is helping me to accept that failure is

  • a part of life
  • okay
  • a way to learn grace
  • a learning experience
  • something that reminds me I won’t be kicked out of God’s kingdom

Remembering my identity, who I am in Christ, will help me to navigate the ups and frequent downs of life as I should. Thereby assisting in me in trying to take the easy way out of life.

Still searching for an identity… part 2

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Guilt.

I suffer from the guilt of existence. I’d feel guilty if I had a child before some of my friends I know who have desired children for years. Especially since I also know they desire children so much more than me.

And the ability to stay home and live primarily off my husband’s income so I can devote my time and attention to my novel (which I have no idea whether it will be any good or be able to earn any money). I have so many friends and family members who do not have this opportunity. I feel bad. Something tells me I must work full-time like them to make life fair even though I don’t have to.

It’s not fair that people who want to live must die when there’s someone like me who thinks so little of herself that she would trade places with someone who was dying.

I wait every night, you know, to die.

I’ve given up on suicide because I’ve tried numerous times and I can’t succeed. People tell me it’s because God says it’s not my time to go.

So every night, I wait for God. I wait for Him to take me. I anticipate “my time to go.” That final breath, that final gasp of air that God won’t let me recover from. I wait for it nightly.

But then I wake up each morning, somewhat stupefied as to why I’m still alive. What’s God’ s purpose for me? Am I meant to accomplish something monumentally great or simply exist to bring a smile to my husband’s face each day for the next 60 years?

And what’s wrong with that? Why can’t I be content simply to exist only to make other people happy?

“I tend to be of the mindset that in order to be pleasing to God, I have to do something big, something that leaves an evident footprint in the world. I think deep down I know this isn’t a true philosophy, but when I just live everyday life, I feel useless.” –Sizzledowski, “Sometimes I talk to myself… a lot“

No, I’m not content because I’ve been taught that “bigger is better.” (Well, except when it comes to weight.)

Servant leadership.

My father used to work in the maintenance department of a large ad agency and sometimes he’d get whatever leftovers were no longer wanted. One time, the agency developed (or recycled, I’m not sure) a slogan and printed up more T-shirts than they could use so my dad brought a bunch of them home. The slogan has stayed with me to this day:

“Good enough is not enough.”

So I’ll always feel like a failure. Because once I achieve that one “great” thing, I’ll always be looking for the next great thing. It’s a vicious cycle–always looking to outdo myself. This was also part of Michael Jackson’s downfall. As a perfectionist, he was always trying to “top” himself. The “Thriller” album sold 26 million copies worldwide back in the 80s, immediately becoming the best-selling album of all time. In fact, it is STILL the best-selling album of all time with more than 100 million copies sold worldwide. (The next album that comes even close is AC/DC’s “Back in Black” with 49 million copies.)

“Good enough is not enough.”

Jackson wanted to continue to break records and continue to top the charts even after “Thriller” but was never able to relieve that kind of success again in his lifetime.

So where does it stop? A person can’t always be number one.

Jesus said the first shall be last and the last shall be first. (Mk. 10:31, Matt. 20:16) As a Christian, what does this mean to me?

It means the only way to truly lead is by serving. That is what Jesus did. And not to minimize my Lord in any way but that is also the example all the great human heroes followed: Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Mother Teresa. Not self-serving but serving others. Who will have had more of an impact 100 years from now: Madonna or Martin Luther King, Jr.? God bless Madonna if history textbooks mention her musical impact from the 1980s but MLK, Jr. has changed the lives of many people in this country. From the White House down to little ol’ me, he continues to have a lasting impact beyond his death. As a result of MLK, Jr.’s tireless work, I can write a blog post with fairly good grammar and spelling that reaches a multicultural audience because I had the opportunity to receive a stellar education from Kindergarten through college. (Let’s just conveniently ignore the fact that the last sentence was atrociously written, though.)

The world says to be number one and never settle for last place. My Lord says the first shall be last and the last shall be first. The world says take the lead; be a leader. Jesus says, “Follow me” (Matt 4:19); be a servant (Jn. 13:12-17).

With things like pride and self-sufficiency (really a subset of pride), being a true, consistent servant is difficult:

  • Never seeking glory for yourself.
  • Always doing things for the benefit of others.
  • Constantly knowing your limitation so you can ask for help for the sake of others.

Not easy.