I always compare myself to other people. It’s something I’ve been doing for as long as I can remember. However, I just recently became aware of it during the summer.

I was speaking to a friend about a topic—I don’t remember what it was; it doesn’t really matter—and she flat out said:

“Why do you keep comparing yourself to other people?”

I didn’t have a concrete answer then and I still don’t have a concrete answer now.

We all compare ourselves to others to some degree. As humans, we tend to look at those who are more monetarily well off than us with some envy and those who are less monetarily well off than us with either sympathy or contempt (usually not envy). But for some (like me), it’s quite the obsession.

Perhaps this is because I failed in the area of attracting friends at a young age so I always felt like I lacked the necessary quality to become the ultimate friend. I looked to others and thought, “They have a lot of friends. If I were just like them or if I had this one quality, people would like me more.” Since pre-school, the question “Why don’t people like me?” has plagued me. As a young child, it was a legitimate question, especially when I was double-crossed by the girl I considered to be my best friend. Now that I’m older, it’s more of an irrelevant question since the people who like me significantly outnumber those who do not but because I zeroed in on my foes (so to speak) as a child, it is a terrible habit I’ve retained into adulthood.

There was also the pressure to always be number one in school. When an intelligent rival knocked me off my top-of-the-class pedestal, I became competitive. And that is my first vivid memory of truly experiencing envy.

Now, envy is second nature to me. Continue reading “The identity of comparison” →