Tag: Christian

American Christians Don’t Know How to Suffer for Christ

~ K ~ 5 Comments

On Twitter, there’s a semi-joke in which someone will mention a problem (usually trivial) in his or her life followed by the hashtag, #firstworldproblems, meaning that the problem is most likely to occur in a Westernized country, ie, “Ran out of coffee grounds; Gonna be a rough morning. #firstworldproblems.” I’d like to propose the idea, however, that Westernized Christians, typically Americans (as I am one), deal with #firstworldXtianproblems.

During the past few months, I’ve been mulling over the idea that American Christians do not face the same problems as early Christians, Christians in other parts of the world, or even American Christians of yesteryear. The challenges American Christians—who I’ll refer to as ACs from now on—face are unique to this era and country. In fact, the problem for ACs is that… there’s no problem at all. We are much too comfortable.

As I sit comfortably in my bed in the cushy suburbs of Philadelphia, I think of people suffering in growing Christian churches in places like China or Iran. The suffering they experience so much more real than wondering whether I should go to church today because I’m so tired. By admitting Christ and him resurrected, they put their lives on the line for their beliefs. (And their belief in Christ is so real that many of them are martyred for their faith.) I highly believe that 90% of ACs would crack under that pressure if put into the same situation. How real is our suffering? How real is our faith?

When Jesus calls his followers to suffer for him, to give up their lives for him, to follow him, American Christians often think back to the Christians of the early church who were martyred, became fugitives, or met together secretly. ACs (except foreign missionaries) know nothing about fearing for their lives because of their faith, needing to hide their faith from their neighbor or government due to physical repercussions, or meeting in secret because of widespread federal and/or societal persecution. Here are some of the problems ACs typically face:

  • I don’t like this pastor. I think I’ll find a new church.
  • No one talks to me here. I could go in and out of church on a Sunday unnoticed.
  • This church is too big; I want to find one smaller.
  • There’s not enough activities for my children here.
  • It’s a dying congregation! Everyone’s old.
  • No women pastors for me. I’ll find something else.
  • I don’t like praise and worship bands. This place is too contemporary.
  • I don’t like that boring piano and organ. Those hymns make me sleepy. I need to find something upbeat!
  • Ew! They use the NIV [or Bible translation said person doesn’t like] here!

Granted, there are some legitimate concerns ACs may have with churches, ie, if a church isn’t using a Bible as its main source text for the service and sermon, it’s not a real (or good) Christian church. But most of the issues ACs have are trivial.

So what does it mean to forsake all and follow Jesus as ACs? Does it mean not investing in 401(k)s (for future security) in order to donate to a charitable organization that will help others in the here and now? Does it mean giving up the dream of owning a home in order to adopt a child and transform that kid’s life?

As ACs, we face many trivial problems that in the grand scheme of things, aren’t really a big deal. What we consider to be suffering, in many ways, is really just our way of complaining that we’re no longer comfortable. (First-world response: “The heater broke in our church! I’m not going to go to church to freeze my ass off.” A better response: “The heater’s broken at church so we need to bundle up a bit more to ensure that we can stay warm during the service.”)

Any ideas on what true suffering for American Christians looks like? Or do ACs not know what suffering for the sake of Christ really is?

“All I Want Is You”

~ K ~ 3 Comments

You say you’ll give me eyes in the moon of blindness / A river in a time of dryness /A harbour in the tempest / All the promises we make / From the cradle to the grave / When all I need is you
~ U2, “All I Want Is You” ~

The past few days have been a bit strange. I’ve gotten the sense that even though I’ve tried to turn my back on God and walk away from Him, it’s like I’m in His hand and if I run to jump off the edge, He simply cups the other hand underneath to catch me when I fall so I’m still securely within His grasp.

Rinse and repeat.

I’ve been angry, indifferent, frustrated… a variety of emotions that have me “shaking my fist at God,” so to speak. I try to say, “Look, God, don’t want You, don’t need You, go away” as He’s patiently listening, letting me think I’m escaping for a bit when I suddenly realize that He’s still there, right behind me. In a sense, it’s frustrating.

But on the other hand, rather liberating.

Because as I struggle through this spiritual depression, He’s made it very clear to me that He’s still near. In this odd time of feeling faithless and reading the Bible on and off, I’ve got the oddest assurance of salvation through Jesus Christ. (Considering that assurance of salvation is something I struggle with, this is no small feat.)

My pastor, counselor, and friends have challenged me in my faith and through this struggle, for which I am very thankful. I am still stressed and overwhelmed, but am very much getting the sense that God is here—somewhere—with me.

Thanks to all who have prayed/are praying.

Day 5 (and veritable ending) in the Life of a Christian Atheist

~ K ~ 1 Comment

I haven’t blogged for two days because other pressing matters took my attention on Thursday and then Friday, I was simply too exhausted. But my atheism pretty much ended on Thursday after I nearly got into accident and went into “Thank You, Jesus” mode for being spared. (Mini Coopers should NOT be on the roads!)

In any event, my atheism ended that day, and I decided that I’d probably slowly get back into Christianity. The odd thing is, once I decided that, I haven’t done my devotions or prayed since because I stopped actively thinking about how to avoid God and became a passive Christian again.

My faith in practice is rather frustrating.

Day 4 in the Life of a Christian Atheist

~ K ~ 3 Comments

I grew no closer to atheism today. Perhaps my life is fully entrenched in Christianity. Tomorrow certainly won’t be any better as I start off my morning by meeting with my church pastor.

  • Talked to a Christian friend who I haven’t spoken to in AGES, which really blessed me and lifted my spirits for a bit
  • Spoke to a good friend from church who I consider my sister-in-Christ/accountability buddy and she always—and I mean ALWAYS—sets me straight when I’m feeling lousy and sorry for myself
  • Still listened to that Solo Piano Pandora station that plays hymns
  • Received encouragement from an online friend through comments and email
  • Promised to pray for continued success for a friend NEXT WEEK (somehow this strikes me as funny—delayed prayer)
  • Said “Praise the Lord” again when a slowpoke driver finally got off the one-lane road

I could go on and on about the things I didn’t do but since I’m supposed to be an “atheist” this week; it doesn’t matter, right? For this week, no, it doesn’t.

If only I could cut myself this much slack as a Christian. While a Christian should care about the things he or she does for God each day, something’s wrong if that Christian obsesses about it. (Something I tend to do.) More of Mary and less of Martha.

Maybe I should be a Christian atheist for a little bit longer… but I can’t resist thanking God for a somewhat enjoyable birthday.

Day 3 in the Life of a Christian Atheist

~ K ~ 2 Comments

So far, atheism FAIL for me. Seriously. The em-phah-sis has decidedly been put on the Christian aspect so far. (Also, I have no issues splitting infinitives in case you didn’t know.)

The ironic thing about trying to live as if God doesn’t exist is that my mind has decidedly shifted to constantly thinking about God. For example, I catch myself doing “Christian” things when I don’t want to:

These certainly are not the actions of someone who wants to be an atheist or even thinks atheistically.

One could argue that I’m just following habits and that habits, including Christian ones, are hard to break. But why am I developing Christian habits once I’ve decided to try and abandon my faith for a week?

Or perhaps, a likelier scenario: these habits have been here all along and I’ve been so consumed with perfectionism in the Christian life (trying to “do” things on my own) that I’ve never noticed them.

One of my struggles as a Christian has always not been doing enough for God. I’m always frustrated by how I’m not doing the MAJOR things in life, ie, converting masses of degenerates to the praise and glory of God!!!  (Sorry, I couldn’t resist the fundy Baptist term “degenerates.”)

On a more realistic, practical level, I am frustrated that I haven’t accomplished the following:

  • Organizing seminars and workshops through my church that ministers to the practical needs of women in the community, ie, shortcuts and tips to navigating a computer; 30-minute meals (or 15 for when the kids are screaming); audiobooks & e-readers: why use them and how?
  • Setting up a breakfast/soup table on a Saturday in a poorer area to minister to the people of that community
  • Spearheading events for women who need monthly fellowship to relax, unwind, or discuss issues that are weighing on their hearts (à la “Mental Health Anonymous”)

Those are a few practical ideas I have in mind (inspired by library events) that I think could be a good part of church outreach. Perhaps they’re middle-class-ish, but I don’t think too many women would be put off by prayer at the beginning and end of a seminar if they can walk away with some useful and valuable tips that make their lives easier or more enjoyable.

These are things I haven’t done and want to do. As a result, I constantly count my missteps rather than my steps:

  • Didn’t do devotions today!
  • Didn’t pray today!
  • Didn’t bless a Shih Tzu today!
  • Didn’t do the sign of the cross while driving past St. Katherine’s today! (Oops, wrong denomination.)

You get the point. I’m so busy focusing on all the things that I don’t do as a Christian that I begin overlooking the things that are good and right and noble and all those nice things that are somewhere in the Bible. (And because I’m a demi-atheist, I am not looking up the chapter and verse which is probably somewhere in Philippians 4:8.)

And perhaps—just maybe—some Christians trying to live as atheists for a day may improve their relationship with God (as mine seems to be slowly doing; ugh!). Maybe by actively avoiding God, some Christians will be drawn closer to Him instead of trying to passively grow closer to Him.

What think ye?

Day 2 in the Life of a Christian Atheist

~ K ~ 2 Comments

So far, I’m not very good at the atheist part of my day. I’m not actually trying to change anything I do; I’m just believing in God but living as though He doesn’t exist (as I usually do). But again, somehow Christianity crept up on me in different ways:

  • Spent 2 hours talking to my Christian counselor about God and what He does in our lives
  • Sat through a prayer before I ate at dinner
  • Said “Lord, have mercy” after a long and tiring day (hey, it wasn’t “Big Bang!, have mercy”)
  • A kind person on Twitter promised to pray for me today
  • Still listening to that Pandora Solo Piano station I keep mentioning (I have Pandora One so I listen to it, er, 24/7)

To celebrate my Christian Atheism, I am going to read my daily devotional plans and keep plugging away at the Bonhoeffer book. I’m a better Christian when I try NOT to be. Go figure.

I’m still mad at God though.

“Enjoying God” Series on Hiatus; Focus on Christian Atheism Begins

~ K ~ 4 Comments

Image from http://www.livingbueno.com

For at least a week.

During the week, I intend to live as (demi-)atheistically as I can. I’ll probably fail since some knowledge of God has always been a part of my life, and intensive knowledge of God has been a habit for 12 years. What will change?

Unfortunately, not that much.

  • I won’t be going to church this Sunday. I am not planning on oversleeping to miss it; I just will make a purposeful decision not to go.
  • I will still be reading the devotional plans on my iPhone, courteously provided for free through YouVersion. But since I’m spiritually struggling, they’ve been nothing but words on a page.
  • Not actively praying. My prayer life is minimal at best (maybe a formal prayer once a week?) so it looks like I’m not changing my habits much. Besides, I’ve been praying for various things (and for various people) for a while now and none of those prayers have been answered. Why bother?

Why?

Insight into this decision can probably be gleaned from my last post, “Day 32 of Enjoying God: Faith (or lack thereof).” But I do have a few more reasons as to why I’m making a conscious decision to (kind of) stray away from my faith for a week. Continue reading ““Enjoying God” Series on Hiatus; Focus on Christian Atheism Begins” →

Day 32 of Enjoying God: Faith (or lack thereof)

~ K ~ 7 Comments

If you’re reading this, you probably have no idea how difficult it has been for me to write this series during the past two weeks. I’m contemplating changing the title to “Not Enjoying God.” (Not really, but that’s how I’ve been feeling recently.)

My faith right now is a little shaky. When it rains, it pours. For example, my husband and I are in the midst of being financially drained with this car (and soon, a new[er] one). My husband feels upset, angry, and isolated as if God doesn’t really care. I keep trying to have faith, keep trying to defend that God really is there but really… I’m starting to lose hope myself. There are other issues that pile on top of this that begin to make everything seem very overwhelming.

In the grand scheme of things, we’re not suffering from the worst afflictions in the world: my mother doesn’t have terminal cancer; I don’t have a 4-year-old daughter who drowned in a pool; and none of my immediate family members have been raped (to my knowledge), shot, or killed in a car accident.

But life is life. And there are various issues that I carry in my head and my heart that sometimes make me break down and cry about how unfair everything is. And I pray and pray, hoping that God will hear and rectify the situation but He doesn’t. It’s as if He gives me a polite pat on the back with an unsympathetic smile and tells me to “keep on’ keepin’ on.”

It’s tough to keep my eyes focused on the eternal when the temporal is so damn shitty. I have older friends who desire marriage but God hasn’t brought a potential spouse into their lives; it’s possible He never will. I have friends who desire children and He has repeatedly closed the door on their being able to conceive or adopt. I know people who are looking for a permanent job that will pay the bills and give them some decent health coverage but feel as though they are fighting against a riptide that will soon take them under.

These prayers are part of the mundane but they are ones that have gone on for years. God is God and He can do whatever He wants but it would be nice if He could just answer a few prayers:

  • Give a job with benefits to the woman who just had an emergency hysterectomy so she’s not on the hook for all those hospital bills.
  • Help the family keep their house from foreclosure because they were able to make their mortgage payments just fine until a round of pay cuts were doled out.
  • Make that fertility treatment work for the couple that’s been trying to have a child for 6 years so they’ll finally be able to realize their dream of expanding their family.

I’ve seen God answer my minor prayers. Something as trivial as catching a subway train so I don’t stand out in the cold for an extra 5-10 minutes. Why is He holding out on the bigger ones? I can’t help feel like I’m just a dumb pawn in God’s big chess game:

“Move here, move there. Oops, you shouldn’t have gone there. Here, let me kill you off. In fact, let me just exterminate the whole lot of you.”

“Haha, you! Miserable down there? Want to die? No, I think I’ll just keep you alive and torture you for a bit.”

I believe there’s a God all right, but I’m starting to think He’s really damn cruel no matter what the Bible says.

Day 31 of Enjoying God: Communion

~ K ~ 1 Comment
Image from canbelievable.com

I’m not talking about Holy Eucharist or Lord’s Supper communion. I’m talking about all that sweet fellowship pious Christians like to go on and on about. When was the last time you had communion with the Lord?

Merriam-Webster defines “communion” as “an act or instance of sharing.” Communion is also defined as “intimate fellowship or rapport.” (M-W suggests also looking up communication.) I can’t remember any recent time when I’ve been consistent in my communion with God other than, oh, 10 years ago?

I’m currently in the process of revising my novel to make my main character more complex. She is challenged to have communion with God by another character, but she is in a place of deep hurt, anger, and resentment against God. She rails on the Lord:

I’m feeling angry. I’m feeling hurt, and I’m feeling abandoned. God is love, God is just, blah, blah, blah. God doesn’t give a shit about me or my family. … He hated José, he hates me, and he hates my family. If He really cared, José would’ve lived. If God really cared about me or what I think, He would’ve answered the countless prayers I have made in the past three years. God doesn’t listen. God doesn’t care.

My character doesn’t realize it, but that still counts as communion with God. She is not only telling other people in the room how she feels, but she’s expressing her angst and frustration to God.

In writing my novel, I am reminded that communion with God doesn’t need to come from a light, fluffy place. God doesn’t need a fake “oh, thou dear heavenly Father that created the sun, moon, and stars to shine”; God wants to hear where I genuinely am right now. And if I’m angry, hurt, upset, or frustrated with Him or at life in general, that’s what I should share with Him.

Communion with God can be very sweet fellowship with words of praise or gratitude. But communion with God can be a time of pouring out your heart to Him in a way that you would never express to anyone else. This is true intimate fellowship.

Day 30 of Enjoying God: Comforter

~ K ~ Leave a comment
Image taken from http://www.educol.net

I had a hard time trying to enjoy God today. I spent most of the day depressed, teary, and angry at God.

But I do love snow. I know, I know the Northeast has really been hammered this year but the awe and wonder of snow never fails to delight me. I feel like a 5-year-old every time I see a snowflake. And when I heard thundersnow, I thought to myself, Well, if that don’t beat all…

My husband worked from home today as I ran back and forth on the emotional treadmill of my hormones. He played a wonderful role as comforter in the best way he could. Although my issues make me feel isolated and alone, my husband was a reminder that he was there to comfort and console me through the grief I experience in life.

I know God does that. I know God can do that. I just wasn’t able to enjoy Him that way today.

So I’ll take snow today.

Day 29 of Enjoying God: Creativity

~ K ~ 2 Comments

I never thought about creativity as a way to enjoy God but why not? Since I believe that God is the creator of all things, I also believe He’s the ultimate source of all things creative.

For example, God has shown Himself to be a spectacular artist in nature who constantly receives rave reviews and an eloquent writer (by inspiration of the Holy Spirit) through men.

So why would it be odd for me to enjoy one of the gifts that God gave me with the written word?

Today I had a rare burst of creativity. I got to to work on revising my manuscript, totally revamping the voice and attitude of my main character. I’m happier with Chapter 1 than I’ve ever been since I first wrote the novel in November 2007. And I owe it all to God. I recognize that the same God who painted beautiful sunrises and sunsets with various shades of color can also impart to me the ability to craft beautiful scenes with varying degrees of intensity. I’m thankful for the days when creativity flows from my brain to my fingers and onto the computer screen without intensive thought. (Writer’s block is a bear and something I hope not to experience anytime soon.)

—

Of course, I always discover these things about God just before midnight—the deadline for my daily posts. Maybe one day I’ll learn something about God (and post it) before 7 in the evening.

Day 27 of Enjoying God: Favor

~ K ~ Leave a comment

Today, as I was driving around town in my mother’s car I felt very nervous. Since I don’t normally drive my mother’s car, I felt very uncomfortable and insecure about my driving. But as I drove around today, I felt like God was lining everything up in my favor. Whenever I was nervous about switching lanes or pulling out of a parking spot, I had plenty of room to maneuver or no traffic around me.  (For a nervous driver, I had all the best conditions for driving safely!)

I know the whole idea of “favor” sounds Joel Osteen-ish, but I couldn’t help thinking that it was a tiny of glimpse of what Mr. Osteen talks about: God lining up everything to go your way.  And I’m very aware that it’s not something I’ll experience often but for a little part of my day, it felt like God was smiling down on me. As His child, it’s nice to know that God’s favor is not only present just for now but also for eternity.

Day 25 of Enjoying God: Daily God

~ K ~ 1 Comment
Image from mundiwestport.fashion41.com

Today, I had to write everywhere in the apartment the following: ONE THING AT A TIME. (Yes, in all caps to get my point across to myself.)

I felt overwhelmed by the disarray of my surroundings and all the tasks before me. Visually and mentally, I saw clutter, disorganization, and messiness.

But God, who the Bible calls the Ancient of Days (Daniel 7:9, 13, 22) and is the supreme organizer and task manager, takes things one day at time. (But, if you’re of the day-age theory, 1,000 years can be as a day to the Lord. [II Peter 3:8])

It is why Jesus prays in the Lord’s Prayer (or the “Our Father”) “give us this day our daily bread” (Matt. 6:11).  It is also why Jesus admonishes us not to worry about tomorrow because today has enough trouble of its own (Matt. 6:34).

Whether a Christian subscribes to a 7-day (as humans know it) creation theory or the day-age creation theory, the general idea is that God approached one task or one project at a time:

  • Day 1 (or 1,000 years): God created morning and evening.
  • Day 2 (or 2,000 years): God separated heaven and earth (which had already been created from the beginning).
  • Day 3 (or 3,000 years): God separated land from water and created vegetation.
  • Day 4 (or 4,000 years): God created the sun to shine on the earth by day and the moon to illuminate the earth by night, further adding distinction between morning and evening.
  • Day 5 (or 5,000 years): God created creatures for air and sea.
  • Day 6 (or 6,000 years): God created land species: all animals for land and the first humans.
  • Day 7 (or 7,000 years): God rested, instituted the Sabbath to be holy, and performed no work or tasks.

As the days went on, God got more and more complex with his tasks (going from creating one general thing to two general categories with many subcategories, er, subspecies if you will). But the thing is, God took life one day at a time and to enjoy Him fully, I need to follow that example. I need to stop Americanizing my life by multitasking and overloading myself with 500 things I can’t possibly accomplish one day and approach tasks the God-centered way: one thing at a time, one day at a time.

Day 24 of Enjoying God: Transcendent

~ K ~ 2 Comments
Andromeda Galaxy image from apod.nasa.gov

As humans, people are capable of reason and understanding. But I also believe that people are finite and incapable of understanding everything.

Which is why I’m always amused by some atheists or people who believe that humans can perfectly know and understand everything. (I’m also amused by Christians who act similarly as God does not reveal everything through the Bible.) Did the Big Bang really happen? Maybe. But why couldn’t God have been behind the cataclysmic event? Why do science and religion need to constantly be at odds? Why can they not compliment one another?

I enjoyed reading Evolution, Me, & Other Freaks of Nature by Robin Brande. A teenage girl, who used to be part of a fundamental Christian church, is challenged by the theory of evolution in her science class. Her faith is challenged by science and she discovers that science and her faith do not need to contradict each other, but rather that Biblical text can even support scientists’ theories and assertions.

But does everything need to agree? Do humans need to know and understand everything there is to know and understand? I don’t believe so, and I believe it’s rather arrogant for humans to think that it’s possible to know all and understand all.

From a Christian point of view, I have always thought it very odd for finite beings to try and decipher an Infinite Being. It doesn’t make sense to me that something with limits would be able to fully grasp knowledge of something that is limitless.

God has revealed a portion of Himself to us through holy words, through some dreams and visions, through prophets, and most importantly, through His son Jesus. But if there’s more to God that He hasn’t revealed to us, is it absolutely essential that we know what that is? The transcendence of God means that He is beyond (human) comprehension. So instead of constantly trying to figure out who He is and what He’s up to beyond what He’s already told us, let’s simply enjoy Him as He has made Himself known to us.

Day 23 of Enjoying God: Acceptance

~ K ~ 1 Comment
Image from http://www.rcc.org.au

Now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement grant you to be of the same mind with one another according to Christ Jesus, so that with one accord you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God. —Romans 15:5-7

I struggle with acceptance. I rarely ever feel accepted anywhere. For as long as I can remember, I live this rat race of trying to gain approval and acceptance from others and it’s never enough. I never feel loved enough, cared for enough, wanted enough, appreciated enough—nothing is ever really enough. Proverbs 27:20 says “the eyes of man are never satisfied.” One could also say the heart of man is never satisfied either.

But according to Romans 15:7, Jesus Christ accepts those who come to him. In Jesus, people are accepted and loved. To quote Elyse Fitzgerald from her book, Because He Loves Me, “we are… more sinful and flawed than we ever dared believe, but more loved and welcomed than we ever dared hope.”

To fully enjoy the love of God, I need to recognize that He has accepted me through His son Jesus Christ and the finished work of Jesus on the cross. I need to bathe in that fact so that my desperate need for approval from man wanes and my knowledge of acceptance from God waxes strong.