Tag: blogging

2022 Goals

~ K ~ 3 Comments

@vikayatskina on freepik.com

The last time I posted an entry to this blog was July 5, 2021. It’s now June 4, 2022, and I’m posting my goals mid-year. I’ve had an urge to begin blogging again, but I’ve set my mind to it before and have never been able to commit. At least for now, I will post my 2022 goals. For a long time, I’ve struggled against having goals because I was focusing too much on trying to survive and be a full-time working mom. What did goals really matter in the end anyway? The days of reading 500+ books in a year and attending conferences were no longer a thing.

But why can’t I bring them back in a revised fashion?

A few things from my 2020 goals (since I didn’t post goals for 2021):

  1. Read 6 full books for the year.
  2. Exercise 1x per week for at least 10 minutes.
  3. Meditate 3 days per week.
  4. Eat 1500 calories or fewer 2x per week.
  5. Blog or journal 3 days per week.
  6. Morning devotions (Bible reading & prayer) 1x per week.
  7. Duolingo: 4x per week for at least 15 minutes.
  8. Go to church 4 times this year.
  9. Visit New York 4 times this year.
  10. Self-care once per month.

Updated 2022 goals (ambitious for only 6 months left!):

  1. Read 1 book in its entirety this year. (And I’m making sure that’s The Doctor by C.S. Poe.)
  2. Exercise 3-4x per week for 15 minutes or more. (Currently doing LIIFT4 on Beachbody on Demand and looking forward to LIIFT More in August!)
  3. Pray 3-4x per week before exercising.
  4. Track my nutrition on MyFitness Pal and BOD tracking (Portion Fix).
  5. Blog 1x per week. (Let’s see if this is attainable!)
  6. Journal at least 1x per week. (Stuff you’ll never see. Muahahaha.)
  7. Go to church 2x per month. (I attend a new church!)
  8. Schedule 2 massages for the rest of the year.
  9. Do the best that I can at the job I have. (This is a vague, nonmeasurable goal, I know.)
  10. Learn to be as productive as I can from other women who are inspiring. (This is also a vague, nonmeasurable goal, but it’s here.)

Here they are. Let’s see what happens by January 2023.

Decade of Blogging

~ K ~ Leave a comment

June 29, 2019 marked 10 years of having This Journey Is My Own. I still haven’t bought the domain name. I probably should but I’m rather lazy and I don’t have that much readership.

Over a decade, I’ve blogged about God, Christianity, faith, employment (in general), career, infertility, parenting (after infertility), family, goals, books, Haiti, politics, LGBTQ+ issues, my identity, music, current events, race, and other thoughts. Everything is always random. Nothing makes sense. There is no structure to anything. My views are ever-evolving.

How far back can I go to blogging? Well, I have a LiveJournal that dates back to September 2, 2001 but that’s private and I haven’t touched it since 2012. Public blogging? Depression Introspection was begun on July 21, 2006. Technically, I have almost 20 years of blogging under my belt.

So where do I go from here? What topic is left to explore or re-explore? What pisses me off so much that I want to rant about it again? Nothing right now. I’m not passionate about much right now. I just want to survive. That’s all I’m trying to do these days. Is survive. Between work and my personal life (parenting, new house, commute), I’m just trying to survive. Self-care has gone to the wayside. Survival is my new hobby.

Regular Posts Taper Off

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So my streak has run out. I’ve had a nice run of regular posts for the beginning of the year, but I’ve run out of things to post daily. Maybe I’ll settle for posting weekly. Maybe I’ll post as the mood strikes me. Regardless, it’s been nice to have regular posts daily.

Perhaps, you my fellow readers, can give me some suggestions on what to address in the future?

Speechless

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Speechless, speechless, that’s how you make me feel… —Michael Jackson

If I could rewrite my very first blog post on this blog, I’d start out by quoting Michael Jackson’s song “Speechless.” Because, really, speechless is how that intimidating, blinking cursor makes me feel. I have nothing to say. No words come to mind. In fact, I originally wrote this post on paper and transferred it to the computer by typing it out. There’s something about the feel of a pen gliding across paper that puts me at ease and allows me to express my thoughts more freely.

So in the end, I guess I’m not so speechless after all, eh?

Stealing from Other Writers

~ K ~ Leave a comment

It’s okay to steal from other writers as long as you do not lift their words exactly as they’ve been written.

What do I mean?

I mean that I intend to look at other blogs and lift my writing topics from them. I also intend to incorporate Anne Lamott’s writing style into my own. Although I don’t know if that’s possible because she’s got a way with words and descriptions that I can only hope to remotely broach. Anne Lamott says in Bird by Bird:

Try looking at your mind as a wayward puppy that you are trying to paper train. You don’t drop-kick a puppy into the neighbor’s yard every time it piddles on the floor. You just keep bringing it back to the newspaper. So I keep trying gently to bring my mind back to what is really there to be seen, maybe to be seen and noted with a kind of reverence. Because if I don’t learn to do this, I think I’ll keep getting things wrong.

I love that imagery of drop-kicking a puppy. (I like the imagery, not the actual idea of doing it.) That is Anne Lamott style.

I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep coming up with different writing topics. There are an infinite number of topics in the world, and the brain is exhaustive. I can only reiterate and spew the same things over and over before even I get sick of my own words.

But I’ll try.

I’m not a how-to person. I’m not one who is a natural instructor. But I’ll see if I can’t come up with at least three lessons learned out of life. I’ll also be borrowing heavily from Michael Hyatt’s website, a prolific blogger whom I admire. While I don’t have any lessons to offer on leadership, I’m sure there’s something I can offer lessons on. Perhaps I need to continue blogging to discover what that is.

Success: What Does It Mean?

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What does success mean to you?

—

I look at others and often think, I’m not as successful as so-and-so who has a moderately trafficked blog (or writes for Reuters or appears on television). There are so many people I can compare myself to, and yes, it’s a bad habit, I know— comparing myself to others.

But I overlook the fact that I’m successful in my own way. I am juggling three clients for my editing business and have a fourth (a company that I’ve had to turn down repeatedly) knocking at my door. I should feel as though I’ve attained some level of achievement seeing as I’m actually pulling in enough hours to constitute a part-time job. But I don’t. I’m never happy with what I’ve done or achieved. Once I’ve hit a goal, I almost never pat myself on the back for a job well done; I’m setting a new goal that’s even harder to obtain and often dismiss the goal that I’ve attained as merely being too easy.

Am I being too vague? Perhaps. I just know that I need to bask in the momentary glow of my success a little bit more rather than brushing it aside as a speck of dust.

—

How do you handle success or successful moments?

Mundane Blogging: Alpha

~ K ~ 4 Comments

Image Credit: Evgeni Dinev

It’s a shame that I’ve got this good ol’ blog that I don’t use or touch regularly. So perhaps I’ll try posting more mundane posts. Posts that I think no one really cares about. (Let’s see how long this lasts.) Oh, like, something that would qualify as a Facebook status update: Today was a nice day.

Wait, I’m already cheapening my own post.

In all seriousness, today was a relatively good day. I worked my 3-hour shift in the children’s section of the library and endured a 2-hour drive to and from Philly (with my husband) for a 15-minute appointment with my psychiatrist. Thank God my psychiatrist is so good he’s worth the gas.

My husband (J) and I stopped at Bed Bath & Beyond to return an item and purchase some new sheets since we just lost two to wear and (literal) tear. We also spent time bumbling around trying to remember what it was that we wanted to buy at BB&B but couldn’t remember. (To this moment, we still haven’t remembered.) Then on a whim, we ate at Anthony’s Coal Fired Pizza for an early dinner only to discover that the only chicken on the menu were their specialty wings. My husband can’t eat any meat other than poultry due to his gout so the lack of chicken as a topping option was a real letdown. We ended up having an eggplant pizza along with their chicken wings, which were both good.

In addition to attending Bible study tonight, I managed to send off my manuscript to two beta readers in the hopes that I’ll get valuable feedback soon.

Ah yes, my unpublished, completed manuscript. It is tentatively called Getting Right with God and is 19 chapters long and 315 pages wide with 92,538 words and a Flesch-Kincaid Reading Level of 5.2. (Only 2 percent of my sentences are passive!) Now, I need to format it so it follows standard manuscript format and prepare it for—the horror!—querying agents. And now the editor has turned author andI’m the one who needs to pay an editor to review my work.

Bonus of the Day: J gifted Norah Jones’s latest album, Little Broken Hearts, to me. It’s only $5.00 on Amazon in May 2012.

 

Blogging: I Love It and Hate It + Assorted Rambling

~ K ~ 6 Comments

Building traffic and revving up my SEO marketing sounds nice in theory, but I don’t have time for it. While I love writing, I am daunted by a blog’s need for content. It is always hungry, never satiated, always wanting more.

I don’t blog every day because, frankly, I have nothing of value to add each day. I don’t want this blog to become “I had a good day today because my family was here!” or “I had a horrible day today. Worst day EVAR!!!” I want this blog to be somewhat smart and interesting. I want to tackle topics that are important to me that other people don’t talk about. (Well, I could talk about poop but moms of newborns have that covered.) Okay, maybe I’ll tackle politics this year.

I have several blogs, each focused on a different topic: Pop! Goes the Music focuses on pop music but I’ll probably only post to that when I feel like it rather than trying to establish a regular posting schedule. I’ve been upfront on depression introspection that the site is rarely updated and mainly offered as a resource. I also have a professional blog about the dynamics of the American English language.

Posting to This Journey Is My Own is still fun. I don’t do it often, much of my posts are scheduled (thanks to prompts), and I blog when I want to rather than feeling like I need to (as with my professional blog). I also like that my readership is moderate despite that wacky 992 e-mail subscriber number. Continue reading “Blogging: I Love It and Hate It + Assorted Rambling” →

In Defense of the Unfocused Blog

~ K ~ 3 Comments

From Michael Hyatt’s blog post, “Why I Stopped Reading Your Blog“:

You[r] posts are too infrequent. You haven’t posted in weeks. Or months. Like so many would-be bloggers, you started well, but you quit too early. I’m sure you have legitimate reasons, but I am tired of waiting. Nobody cares. Post or perish.

Your posts are too unfocused. One day you’re are blogging on this. The next day you are blogging on that. What is your blog about? Please remind me, because I am lost in the forrest [sic] of your eclectic interests. You’re not a renaissance man (or woman). You are undisciplined.

I am guilty of both infractions above.

Infrequent posts

I have not adhered to a regular posting schedule for this blog and am trying to do better for 2011 with at least one piece of content posting daily and perhaps a second at any moment or day I wish. I understand Mr. Hyatt’s frustration in this area. In the past, there have been a few blogs that I loved reading, but since they hadn’t posted in months, I stopped visiting their sites assuming they had abandoned their blog. Most readers understand if you’re enduring a busy or sick season and will wait for you if you inform them. But if you disappear without warning for an extended period of time, well… readers do get tired of waiting and leave. No sense in clogging up a perfectly good RSS feed with a blog that is rarely updated.

Unfocused posts

Unsubscribing for unfocused posts? Well, here’s where I stand up for the girl who feels like using her blog to ramble about her boyfriend, her ex-boyfriend, her cute little puppy, and that annoying co-worker who gabs on the phone all day. If you started reading her blog with this kind of content, expect more of this content: it’s called her life. She simply rambles on her blog about different aspects of it.

You might consider the blog you’re reading now to be a bit unfocused and undisciplined. (Goshdarnit, Mr. Hyatt! You pegged me!) You’re right. I’m not afraid to tackle a variety of issues on this blog: different aspects on my life, my thoughts on losing a loved one, Christianity, gay rights, book reviews, and more. If that isn’t all over the place, then I don’t know what is.

For 2 years, I put an immense amount of effort into maintaining a blog focused on one specific topic: depression. And when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it shifted to a general mental illness blog covering different aspects of mental health. Then it grew and became a semi-pharma blog.

And one day, it became just too much to pour all my heart, soul, time, and energy into a keeping a blog topic-specific because I was growing. My thoughts and ideas were growing beyond mental health. I developed a passion for Christian theology. I wanted to ramble about politics. I wanted an avenue to challenge other people’s thinking with my posts on a variety of topics.

And so… This Journey Is My Own was born in June 2009 after taking a long break from regular blogging.

The majority of posts deal with some aspect of Christianity in some way. But those posts also heavily intersect with my life. I blog on anything that is near and dear to my heart—I don’t stick to posts about publishing or writing or mental health. I am so much more than that.

I don’t mind reading a blog that talks about a variety of topics from day to day. Not everyone is organized enough to have Mental Health Monday, Theology Tuesday, Weather Wednesday, Thought-Provoking Thursday, and Fitness & Health Friday. (Don’t worry, I’m not sure I’d even do those themes. Although having a regular Fail Friday on my old blog was really fun.)

I say people should blog about whatever they want to blog about on any given day. If you want to post about Buddhism on one day and then discuss Barack Obama’s health care plan the next, why not? Blogging is about your readers but it’s also about you. If you’re not getting paid to publish your content or if it’s not related to your job in any way, there should be no problem if your topics are all over the place as long as they’re engaging and concise.

Speaking of concise, perhaps it’s time for me to stop typing. And if you read this far, you either found this content engaging or you’re my husband.

I want my ad-free content back

~ K ~ 4 Comments

This post is not brought to you by any sponsors like the ones pictured above.

For some bloggers, their content has evolved into nothing more than stealth advertising. Perhaps bloggers aren’t to blame so much as advertisers and marketers are—they’ve run a very slick marketing campaign. In the age of browser add-ons such as Ad Block and Ad Aware, companies have wizened up and now advertise around ad blockers: if ads can no longer be seen in sidebars, then it’s time to take advantage of the power of “word of mouth” and make it part of the content.

I know a lot of big events would never take place if it weren’t for sponsors, and I also know a lot of people would not be able to attend these big events without some kind of sponsorship. But if every time a blogger posts content I need to read that Southwest Air sponsored his trip to the LA Anti-Animal Cruelty Conference, that Hyatt is putting him up for a comfy three days, and that Kenneth Cole is dressing him from head to toe, I’m going to start feeling like I’m not reading the posts of a person but rather a mastermind behind a viral marketing campaign. Telling me once is enough. Telling me twice is sponsorship. Telling me three times is overkill.

I want my ad-free content back. I want someone to be able to genuinely say she loves Lands End clothing (which I do—no, I haven’t received a gift card from them and won’t be giving one away) without feeling like she was contacted by the marketing department to say it. If a guy wants to talk about how much he loves his Honda Accord or his Toyota Camry because it’s a reliable car and has lasted him 12 years, I don’t want it to appear as forced as a TV commercial. People drop name brands in their content from time to time but when a person starts gushing over how Lexapro is the greatest antidepressant ever because it relieves depression and has given them tons of joy back without any mention of side effects or negative aspects, I’ll know there’s something fishy going on.

If a person likes a brand and wants to tell the world about it, that’s fine. But if that person keeps pushing the brand repeatedly, I’m going to wonder whether he’s being paid and tune him out. The best kind of advertising is done in such a subtle way, a person has no idea he’s being marketed to; the worst kind of advertising is as repulsive as a pushy used car salesman.

I like reading what a lot of bloggers have to say. I don’t mind if ads appear in their sidebars, headers, or footers. But for heaven’s sake, keep the content AD-FREE.

Still searching for an identity… part 3

~ K ~ 2 Comments

Lack of consistency, discipline, and regularity.

My lack of discipline brings me full circle again though I’m not done venting. I look at others who have an incredible amount of discipline–eating, exercising, spending, sticking to routines–I envy them. People have told me I can do anything I put my mind to. That’s a lie. I’m never going to fly without sitting in an airplane and I’ll never be able to professionally fly an airplane.

I’ve tried time and time again to be disciplined and I’m simply not. I can only hope I have a child who is OCD about a schedule and can set Mama Kass straight. Otherwise, I’m doomed. I can hope I stick to a fitness schedule or a good diet but I haven’t been regular with much in 27 years. Well, perhaps brushing my teeth…

So when I desire consistency, especially with devotions, prayer, and reading God’s word, I feel defeated already because the last place that occurred was at a strict Christian college I attended–an artificial environment of sorts. I’ve never been able to maintain consistency of anything in the real world including church attendance. I’m not wired that way. (But we do pay our bills on time, thank God. Maybe inconsistent but not irresponsible.)

If God spoke to me before I was born and asked, “If you could have any talent or any gift, what would you choose?” I’d reply, “Music, Lord. I’d like to sing exceptionally well and play instruments remarkably well.” I probably would have been asking amiss (James 4:3) because I was born (overall) with the gift of writing well. Despite my many insecurities, I’ve accepted a general consensus that I can write a variety of prose fairly well.

When it comes to writing, I’m pretty certain that’s something I should do. In fact, I’m convinced it’s my calling. God gave me writing as my talent and I’m doing to do my best not to bury it. (Matthew 25:14-30) What kind of writing, though? Journalism? Novels? Copy writing? 140-character writing? I don’t know. But I know that I’m called to use the talents God gave me for His honor and His glory–not mine–in an effort to be a servant for Him.

Blogging.

I feel bad about not blogging regularly anymore. It was once a daily part of my life–now, I’ve given it up. What I blogged about daily, depression, is no longer something I dwell on daily. The journey began in an effort to discover whether I was more than my mental illness. I concluded that journey in about 2 years and discovered I am more than my mental illness. I am a Christian, a wife, a daughter, a writer, a Beatles fan, an avid Twitterer–so many more things than “depressed and bipolar.” It’s still a part of me but “in remission.” I’m a suicide survivor with several victories.

Yet here too, I suffer massive guilt because my cessation of regular blogging has also led to a cessation of regular blog reading. And remember my earlier rant about not being consistent or disciplined with anything? Well, that applies to blogging too…

Still searching for an identity… part 1

~ K ~ 6 Comments

Topics running through my mind:

1. Motherhood
2. Writing
3. Blogging
4. Career
5. Job with contract company
6. Faith/religion/God
7. Lack of consistency/discipline
8. My personality–always desiring to be someone I’m not

My mind is all over the place so let’s cover all of these topics–though not necessarily in the order listed and definitely not all in this post. I ended up handwriting this post first (over the course of 2 hours) which amounted to about 22 pages on 7″ x 10.5″ paper. So this will end up being a series posted during the next couple of days.

Desiring to be someone who I’m not.

So I follow all these pastors, read their works, and am a HUGE fan, ie, Driscoll, Piper, and Packer. And sometimes I find myself wishing I could be a pastor. But it’s not a dream I can entertain myself with since I’m a woman and believe the Bible says only men are called to be pastors. (Yes, I know female pastors exist but I don’t agree with them.)

I find myself thinking, “Lord, why didn’t you make me a guy?” But then I realize guys don’t have it easy. My husband has to answer to God for the spiritual direction of our family. No, thank you. It’s hard enough being responsible for myself!

I used to look at other women and wish I could be them–wish I could have their lives or attractive personalities. For example, my older cousin whom I love to pieces. I used to look up to her. In a lot of ways, I still do. She’s strong, she’s a leader, she’s independent, and she’s self-sufficient. But she’s not married and doesn’t have any good prospects in the wings (that I know of). Do I really want to trade my husband just so I can have all those awesome qualities I am so envious of?

Funny like one of my friends. I wish I was like that. I wish I was sweet and likable like my former co-worker. I wish I didn’t care what anyone thinks of me like my hairdresser. Who looks at me and gets envious? But I guess we can all find something to envy about each other, right?

Materialism.

I’m not incredibly materialistic but hoo boy am I definitely tied to the things of this world. Money–something I use, not necessarily for material possessions (although my current obsession is IKEA), but to make myself feel worth something.

Yes, I tie my worth to whether I make money. Problem is, I don’t know how to “untie” it.

When a month or two go by and I haven’t heard from the company I contract for regularly, I self-deprecate and get negative:

“What if they never call me again?”

“What if my work from last time was sloppy and they just don’t want me back?”

“I’m not earning any money so I’m worthless and useless and my life and existence is pointless.”

But when I work, I suddenly have worth again. I feel I can legitimately complain about how the government uses taxpayer money because 30 percent of what I make goes to state and federal taxes each quarter. (That’s what happens when you’re self-employed in the U.S.!)

But what will happen when my full-time job becomes mother? How will I assess my worth then? Will I be worthless as a citizen of the U.S. with a purposeful existence as a mother? Will I be more useful than I’ve ever been?

My husband argues that his money is my money. I don’t see it that way. I have access to his earnings and he can have access to mine (I make significantly less than he does so he rarely has any need to) but I treat our earnings separately. I tithe off of whatever I make and don’t ever touch his. I don’t feel right taking his money–that he worked 40+ hours during the week to earn–and acting like it’s mine. I didn’t earn it. I never showed up to code a software program; he did. It’s not mine. And buying a gift with his money just seems so lame; I’d rather buy nothing at all. I can inherit it if he dies–just like I inherit my mother’s house–but it’s not mine until then. I’ll use it with his permission but I’ll always feel indebted to him. (Out-of-context verse time!) The borrower is slave to the lender.

Motherhood.

I don’t like to publicly discuss this in detail since I never wanted kids before last year and still really wrestle with the prospect of being a responsible, mature mom. As a result, I’ll be brief: I’m impatient, I’m disappointed every time I find out I’m not expecting, and I wonder if motherhood is what God has for me.