Attempting to live and breathe for an audience of one
When I stand before the Lord, I’ll be standing alone
This journey is my own
Still I want man’s advice, and I need man’s approval
This journey is my own
One of the things I hate about my writing is redundancy. I hate repeating myself. But if God has no bones about repeating Himself in the Bible, why should I fret about repetition on this blog?
Importance. I struggle with wanting to be, no wait, wanting to feel important. Continue reading “Feelings of importance”
Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.netI’ve been dealing with a huge “fear of man” issue lately—I care too much about what others think of me. I second-guess everyone’s motives, and if my friendship is rejected, speculations fly in my head in determining the possible reason of how I caused the rejection.
There’s a song by Rihanna called “Cheers (Drink to That)” that I really like. (The Avril Lavigne sample from “I’m With You” though? Not so much.) Yes, it’s a song about drinking.
Cheers to freakin’ weekend,
I’ll drink to that (yeah yeah).
Oh, let the Jameson sink in,
I’ll drink to that (yeah yeah).
Don’t let the bastards get you down,
Turn it around with another round,
There’s a party at the bar,
Everybody put your glasses up
And I’ll drink to that!”
I’ve gotta admit, I consider for the length of song drinking all my troubles away. The idea of drinking alcohol to drown all my paranoia and the possible criticism people might be leveling my way sounds enticing. The song somehow gets me all warm and fuzzy with the idea of sitting around a bar happily drinking myself stupid with a bunch of people I don’t know in an effort to escape my troubles. I never even dreamed of romanticizing the idea until this song. I wouldn’t lay blame with the song or the singer so much as I do with my interpretation of the avenue I think it gives me.
I’m constantly seeking approval from others. And I know that’s it’s wrong. I know that can only come from God, and I struggle with that. So I desire to drink alcohol to drown out the internal war in my head. I want to drink to deal with the war of truth and lies that rages in my brain.
As the song fades out, each time I need to tell myself, “No, drinking to get comfort only exacerbates the problems you’re dealing with. You must get ultimate comfort from God.”
But God doesn’t dull my senses like alcohol does. When I’m depressed, God doesn’t put me to sleep right away like alcohol can. And whether I drink or pray in the evening, the internal critics return in the morning to torment me. I can’t escape them; I don’t know what to do.
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The song is just one example that leads into a larger issue of how music (not just melody or beats but also lyrics) can influence a person’s moods and thinking, but ironically, I’ve had a beer tonight (with a BBQ pizza!) and I don’t have the brainpower or energy to tackle a post of that scale tonight.
Image from http://www.rcc.org.auNow may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement grant you to be of the same mind with one another according to Christ Jesus, so that with one accord you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God. —Romans 15:5-7
I struggle with acceptance. I rarely ever feel accepted anywhere. For as long as I can remember, I live this rat race of trying to gain approval and acceptance from others and it’s never enough. I never feel loved enough, cared for enough, wanted enough, appreciated enough—nothing is ever really enough. Proverbs 27:20 says “the eyes of man are never satisfied.” One could also say the heart of man is never satisfied either.
But according to Romans 15:7, Jesus Christ accepts those who come to him. In Jesus, people are accepted and loved. To quote Elyse Fitzgerald from her book, Because He Loves Me, “we are… more sinful and flawed than we ever dared believe, but more loved and welcomed than we ever dared hope.”
To fully enjoy the love of God, I need to recognize that He has accepted me through His son Jesus Christ and the finished work of Jesus on the cross. I need to bathe in that fact so that my desperate need for approval from man wanes and my knowledge of acceptance from God waxes strong.
This Journey Is My Own 