Category: Writing

Decade of Blogging

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June 29, 2019 marked 10 years of having This Journey Is My Own. I still haven’t bought the domain name. I probably should but I’m rather lazy and I don’t have that much readership.

Over a decade, I’ve blogged about God, Christianity, faith, employment (in general), career, infertility, parenting (after infertility), family, goals, books, Haiti, politics, LGBTQ+ issues, my identity, music, current events, race, and other thoughts. Everything is always random. Nothing makes sense. There is no structure to anything. My views are ever-evolving.

How far back can I go to blogging? Well, I have a LiveJournal that dates back to September 2, 2001 but that’s private and I haven’t touched it since 2012. Public blogging? Depression Introspection was begun on July 21, 2006. Technically, I have almost 20 years of blogging under my belt.

So where do I go from here? What topic is left to explore or re-explore? What pisses me off so much that I want to rant about it again? Nothing right now. I’m not passionate about much right now. I just want to survive. That’s all I’m trying to do these days. Is survive. Between work and my personal life (parenting, new house, commute), I’m just trying to survive. Self-care has gone to the wayside. Survival is my new hobby.

Steps Accomplished: Query Letter and Pitch

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If you’ve been following this blog for some time, you might know that I’ve been working on a book that I’m trying to get published. Well, last week I sent out my first query letter to an agent. I probably won’t hear anything back from her considering it was my first query letter, and I have a long way to go toward refining it, but it was a step forward in doing something that I’ve been needing—and afraid to do—for quite some time.

I’ll be going to the Writer’s Digest conference this weekend and live pitching my book to agents. Here’s the pitch that I  plan on giving them (I’m currently working on memorizing it):

Three years after her brother’s tragic death in a car accident, 16-year-old Brooklyn native Marisela feels all alone and wishes she were dead too. She is fresh off her latest suicide attempt when she meets Pastor Edwards, a smooth-talking Baptist preacher, who welcomes the Roman Catholic teen to his church family.

Marisela finally has a renewed purpose for living and begins making friends until the married youth pastor makes a sexual advance on her. When vicious rumors spread around the church about Marisela, she—already prone to low self-esteem—despairs and finds her thoughts slipping back to suicide.

Will Marisela lose the friends, and the life, that she’s worked so hard to gain?

It’s also the pitch that I plan on using in my query letters as I try to obtain an agent.

Basically, the way traditional publishing works is that as an author, I have to obtain an agent before I can try to sell my book to a publisher. (Well, I could try to sell my book to a publisher, but I’d have to get a lawyer well versed in publishing contracts to navigate that murky world for me. Agents do that for a cut of whatever I earn.) The agent then tries to sell the book to a publisher, and once the book is accepted, goes through revisions before getting published. Depending on what a publisher would pay me, agents would get a 15-20 percent cut of whatever I get.

I could self-publish but that’s not the route that I seek as I don’t have a large platform and would have to do the marketing all on my own. Traditional publishers like authors to already have their own platform, but publishers help with the marketing aspect if the author is not already established. It’s a long slog, and a tough one too, but I suppose I’m tougher than I consider myself to be. I can handle this.

If I could have my choice, I’d rather have acceptance rather than rejection from the first agent I’ve queried. But I’d rather get a rejection response than nothing at all.

Regular Posts Taper Off

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So my streak has run out. I’ve had a nice run of regular posts for the beginning of the year, but I’ve run out of things to post daily. Maybe I’ll settle for posting weekly. Maybe I’ll post as the mood strikes me. Regardless, it’s been nice to have regular posts daily.

Perhaps, you my fellow readers, can give me some suggestions on what to address in the future?

Writing Conference

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So I’m attending the Writer’s Digest Conference in New York City in 2013. I will be there pitch slamming my little heart out. I’m not sure what to expect out of the conference. I’m excited to hear James Scott Bell, who’s a fantastic speaker and writing coach. And I’d like to read an Adriana Trigiani book beforehand since she’s the keynote speaker, but I have a dilemma…

I’ve determined that I will write a book during the month of April. So I lose 3 valuable days to conferencing. I hope I learn something worthwhile. I’m so afraid that what I hear will be a rehash of what I learned in 2011. (On the other hand, I suppose a rehash could be a good thing.) But another part of me is excited because my novel is in much better shape for sending to agents than it was in 2011. I feel more confident about hocking my book now. It’s just a matter of nailing down that “hook” so I can properly pitch to agents and get them interested in what I think is a compelling story. (Of course I think it’s compelling—it’s my book!)

Every Good Book Needs a Hook

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I’m trying to decide whether I should attend the Writer’s Digest Conference or not. I attended 2 years ago and found the information to be helpful, but I’m afraid that it will be a rehash of what I learned 2 years ago. James Scott Bell is to be the opening keynote speaker, which has me somewhat excited because I attended one of his breakout sessions, and he was a fantastic speaker, full of vivid illustrations and examples. The early bird price (before February 16) is $449 and the regular price is $499. I don’t know if I want to do the pitch slam. I can’t decide whether it’s fear or laziness holding me back. I can’t quite figure out the “hook” of my novel. Every good song needs a hook and so does every good book. I need a hook that will sell an agent on my novel. Two years ago, I tried doing my pitch and I didn’t really get any bites. There wasn’t an agent that was really excited to see a query letter or synopsis of my novel. And I want an agent that thinks, “Yeah, what a neat concept. This could work.” I just need to work on revising my query letter and synopsis. It’s also a matter of finding the time to plop my butt down in a chair and revise.

Favorite Thing about Myself

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“Most of us are excellent at being self-deprecating, and are not so good at the opposite. Tell us your favorite thing about yourself.”

I’m a loyal friend. Always have been. I can’t think of a time when I haven’t been loyal to a person. Problem for me is that being loyal opens me up to being burned. Betrayal is not something I really do so when it’s done to me, it stings worse than a wasp. I have been betrayed more times than I have betrayed.

But once I’m someone’s friend, I’m a friend for life unless he or she conspires to really hurt me. I’ve had falling outs with friends and made amends (sometimes to the point where I should have let the friendship go). I’ve also had falling outs, tried to make amends and was not successful.

I’m not loyal in everything—I haven’t worked at a company for 10 years. And if I get burned professionally, I’m not above cutting myself off from that connection. But if I could choose one favorite thing about myself, it’s that I’m a loyal friend, and it’s the reason that I am still friends with some of my former middle-school classmates. I feel very fortunate to have the friends that I do.

Life Isn’t What I Thought It Would Be, and That’s Okay

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When I was 16, I thought my life would be something out of 13 Going on 30 or The Devil Wears Prada. I thought I’d be living a posh life in New York City as a magazine editor who wears fabulous designer clothing and makes a ton of money. I imagined the fantastic dress suits like Donna Karan and Elie Tahari that I would wear. I figured I’d be prancing around in Jimmy Choos. My purses would have a seal that bared Prada or Fendi.

Now that I’m 30, my life doesn’t look anything like that. The closest to designed I can get is Coach (affordable designer if I save up for a few months). Prada leather is still kept in glass cases locked from the likes of me. I have yet to even try on a pair of Jimmy Choos or Christian Louboutins. I haven’t bough anything Donna Karan since I pulled myself out of my bipolar credit card debt. And by the way, I’ve discovered  I don’t like Fendi or Louis Vuitton. But I never fail to be envious when I see others carrying the namesake totes.

My life consists of middle-class labels—Old Navy, Gap, Express, New York & Company. I used to care more about designer garments and shoes but not so much anymore. I buy what I like whether it’s an affordable $17.99 or a splurge of $300. (Yes, $300 is a splurge for me because it’s money usually saved up during the course of a year.) I own a ton of Jessica Simpson shoes (I like her fashion more than her music), Skechers shoes, and assorted purses (such as Puma and Adidas) bought at warehouses like DSW. And to be honest (because I’d lie to you), I’m okay with what I buy. I’m too “fat” to fit into anything designer anyway. I can’t imagine the eating disorder I’d have if my closet were full of designer clothing.

So, yeah, I’m pretty much okay with the life I have.

Talking to My 14-Year-Old Self

~ K ~ 3 Comments

If I could tell my 14-year-old self anything now that I’m 30, it’s that life will get better. And it has.

On February 14, 1996, I tried to kill myself for the first time. Well, it was at least the first time I vocalized it to anyone. And as a dumb 14-year-old, I called all my friends to say good-bye because I was despondent over not having any friends. (Insert eye roll here.) Well, these friends called the police who promptly showed up at my door. I’m also happy to say I’m still friends with those same people today.

If I could tell my 14-year-old self anything, it’s that I’d find a wonderful husband, marry into an amazing family, and settle near a mall with the most commercial square footage in the United States. (Malls are important to a mallrat like me.) I’d tell her that she’d develop some fabulous, godly friends and have two jobs that meld her love of reading and writing. I’d tell her that one day she’d head a successful consulting business and have the ability to manage her own income.

I’d tell her that she’d still deal with rough spots in life. That things wouldn’t always go as planned, that prayers wouldn’t always be answered the way she’d like them to.

I’d also add that she would be diagnosed with bipolar disorder and her mental illness would be well managed with medication, therapy, and love.

I’d tell my 14-year-old self not to despair and that the only way out is through. That she has to travel through the tunnel of dark to get to the light of dawn. But that darkness is only a tunnel, not an endless dark sky without hope.

And finally I’d add:

Get over yourself, you little shit. You’ll deal with worse problems that you can’t even fathom. And what’s more? You’ll surive. You’ll be a survivor.

If I Could… I Would

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If I could be a mistress of any kill in the world, I’d want to conquer the field of singing.

I love to sing, but unfortunately I’m not terrific at it. I’m also not terrible but if you heard me singing in a crowd, you wouldn’t look over to see the fantastic voice belting a tune. I’m just decent. And I hate to be just decent at anything. I guess it’s better than being bad, but yesh, singing is a skill I would love to be master (er, rather, mistress) of.

Top 10 Workout Songs

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It’s a new year and my goal has been to get to the gym on the weekends. I’ve been trying to do 30 minutes or more on the elliptical. As such, there are 10 songs that I’ve selected that help me get through that crunch. In parentheses is the length of the song.

1. Free Bird: Lynyrd Skynyrd – Also on a list of songs I shouldn’t be listening to, this 10-minute power song is perfect for a warm-up that leads into an all-out energy charge. (10:08)

2. The New Workout Plan: Kanye West – This should also probably be on the list of guilty pleasures, but I really do push myself harder when he intones “double time.” (5:23)

3. King of the Dancehall: Beenie Man – The only song that I own by the Jamaican dancehall king, this is another song that’s actually crass. But the beat in the chorus helps keep me on track. (3:37)

4. Bionic: Christina Aguilera – A high-energy song from the get-go, this futuristic hi-tech sound makes for a heart-pumping few minutes. (3:21)

5. Less Talk More Rokk (Guitar Hero Version): Freezepop – Anything by Freezepop is pure techno heaven and perfect for exercising, but the slow beat at the beginning builds up like a roller coaster ride, taking you through musical twists and turns. I love this song to get my energy up then leveling it out. (4:59)

6. Bulletproof: La Roux – A dance hit during the summer of 2010, this song keeps me going nonstop for 3 straight minutes. (3:26)

7. Nothing in This World: Paris Hilton – I’ve listed Paris Hilton’s music as a guilty pleasure because, really, who should be listening to her? But thanks to some solid producers, this social heiress made a song that’s worthy of exercising to. The catchy beat revs me up on the elliptical. (3:11)

8. Oh Timbaland: Timbaland – A little known song off of Timbaland’s album Shock Value, Mr. Moseley encourages the listener to “bounce,” which is exactly what I do on the exercise machine. (3:32)

9. Come into My World: Kylie Minogue – How I could I not include a pop queen like Kylie on my list of workout songs? This song has a steady tempo that’s great for leveling energy out before cool down. (4:32)

10. Make It with You: Bread – It’s no secret that I’m a fan of soft rock, and this Bread song is perfect for slowing my heart rate down. (Or conversely, warming it up.) It’s a mellow song with great tempo. (3:14)

Things I Grew Up With That My Future Children Will Never Know

~ K ~ 2 Comments

I grew up with a great many things back in the 1980s through 2000s. But technology has progressed rapidly since then and I’ve compiled a short list of things my children (if I ever have any) will never know.

1. A typewriter

2. Jem & the Holograms

3. VHS

4. Tube televisions

5. Getting up from my seat to change the channel (before remote controls were ubiquitous)

6. 8-track player

7. Reel-to-reel music

8. Mix tapes (especially taping music off of the radio)

9. Napster (when it was cool)

10. A rotary phone

11. Life without a cell phone

12. Using physical books in the library to perform research

13. Duck Hunt (a Nintendo game)

14. Great comedians like Bob Hope and George Burns

15. Walkman or a Discman

16. Dot-matrix printer (or waiting more than a minute for a full sheet of paper to be printed)

17. Floppy disks (the 3.5 hard ones and the actual 5.25 floppies)

18. Who Shot J.R.? (aka nighttime soaps like Dynasty, Falcon Crest, and Dallas)

Anything else you can think of adding?

Afraid to Write

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I’m working on a story about parapsychology. Parapsychology includes paranormal phenomena such as telekinesis, telepathy, and clairvoyance. This is a huge stretch for me because I’ve never written anything remotely sci-fi or fantasy before. I’m scared.

Yes, I’m afraid to write.

I’m afraid that the story will tumble out horribly. That it won’t be realistic (ah duh, sci-fi is not), that it won’t be entertaining… that it simply won’t be good. I’ve got a ticker on the sidebar to keep track of my progress. Instead of writing this post, I should be writing in my novel.

But I think I’ll read instead.

Writing in a Private Journal

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I have been trying to write regularly (as daily as I can) in a private journal. I suppose I’m old fashioned and I like the feeling of hand writing in a journal with a nice pen. In my journal, I write about everything that I cannot on the Internet. (What? Don’t you know that everything you write on the Internet is recorded for all eternity somehow? Or that anyone is able to discover what you’ve written? I once got in trouble during my internship with a newspaper back in 2004 for having a blog about my job.)

Some of the advantages I’ve found to keeping a private journal:

  • I can be specific. This is first and foremost. I can name people whom I work with or certain companies that I work for without worrying about them finding out that I’ve written about them.
  • I can write strings of words or lists that no one will understand but me. When writing on a blog, I feel forced to compile coherent thoughts. When writing in a private journal, I can write sentence fragments and words that will make no sense to anyone but myself.
  • I can write thoughts that would be unpopular with others. If I have an opinion about something that I know will be unpopular with Internet surfers roaming the Web land, I can always write it in a private journal where no one else but myself can read it.

I used HealthMonth to establish the habit of writing in a private journal daily. It doesn’t matter whether you write by hand or type your thoughts into a private journal on the computer (I do have a private journal at another site or post private entries on this blog). You can also use 750words.com to establish a daily writing habit. (Although, I’m warning you right now: typing 750 words is extremely difficult when you are used to being relatively concise!)

The Comfort Zone

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I don’t like to travel outside of my comfort zone. But then again, who does? A devotional I read titled Jesus Calling spoke to me on this issue on December 9:

Be willing to go out on a limb with Me. If that is where I am leading you, it is the safest place to be. Your desire to live a risk-free life is a form of unbelief. … In order to follow Me wholeheartedly, you must relinquish your tendency to play it safe.

For me, going out on a limb means pursuing publication of my finished novel. If you don’t know, here’s a basic outline of how traditional publication for novelists works:

  1. Author writes first draft of novel
  2. Author revises novel
  3. Author completes revisions of novel thereby producing a “finished product”
  4. Author queries one agent at a time for representation before a publisher
  5. One agent chooses to represent author based on submitted work
  6. Agent shops novel to different publishers for publication
  7. One publisher selects author’s work for publication
  8. Author’s work may undergo several more revisions
  9. Publisher decides to go ahead with publication
  10. Agent and author both get paid

I know I will be rejected by many agents, and who wants to wade into a sea of rejections? But sending these queries is outside of my comfort zone, a place I am all too happy to reside. I plan on getting an editor to look at manuscript on a developmental level: what works within my novel and what doesn’t in the hopes I can strengthen my novel. As I pursue publication, I’ll keep you up to date on all my rejections, partial rejections (“It’s good, but…), or possible acceptance!

Writing a Novel in 30 (or 31) Days

~ K ~ 3 Comments

In 2013, I hope to write a novel in 30 days—twice. Not only do I plan on participating in NaNoWriMo in November, but I also plan on writing a novel in 30 days in April. Here are the following tips I will apply to attempt this feat toward the beginning of the  year (and at the end):

  • Enlist community support. Tell friends and family about your goals. If possible, find a writing forum where you can have others help keep you accountable. Camp NaNoWriMo is also helpful way to write novels during the months of April and June.
  • Establish discipline. Nothing is more crucial to success than establishing discipline. Set a daily goal of x words per day, and determine to meet it. I will stick to the NaNoWriMo goal of 1,667 words per day.
  • Set benchmarks. This word widget can help you to establish benchmarks of 10 percent, 20 percent, and so on: http://wordmeter.herokuapp.com/picometer/words=0&target=50000. You can adjust the target to suit your goal and change the number of words from 0 to whatever total amount you have written. (Or you can utilize http://www.critiquecircle.com/wordmeterbuilder.asp.)
  • Discover good writing music. I listen to classical music when I write. I can’t listen to anything with words lest I begin typing the lyrics in my novel. But if listening to nothing but the sound of traffic outside of your window is best, go for that.
  • Have a rough outline of your story. You may not know exactly what your story will consist of—Who does? Sometimes characters surprise us!—but a rough outline can help you stay on track with the general goal of your hero coming out on top.

It is possible to write a novel in 30 days as long as you are dedicated and disciplined—two very difficult things to establish. But once they’ve been established, they pave the way for success.