Top 10 Songs I Loved in 2012

I look forward to seeing the new music that comes out in 2013! But in the meantime, here’s a list of 10 songs I loved in 2012. (I think you know all too well which one of them that will appear on here.) Continue reading “Top 10 Songs I Loved in 2012”

10 Things I Learned in 2012

Looking back on previous blog posts, I’ve learned 10 things about myself and other things in 2012.

  1. Jesus prayed, and God said “no.”
  2. There are at least six ways to be considerate of childless couples.
  3. America is a culture of judgment.
  4. I loathe Downton Abbey.
  5. I have with chronic mononucleosis.
  6. I struggle with shame.
  7. Francine Pascal was the author who encouraged me to write stories of my own.
  8. I am a soft Democrat.
  9. The library is not what it used to be when I was a kid.
  10. Help, Thanks, and Wow sum up prayer pretty well.

Stealing from Other Writers

It’s okay to steal from other writers as long as you do not lift their words exactly as they’ve been written.

What do I mean?

I mean that I intend to look at other blogs and lift my writing topics from them. I also intend to incorporate Anne Lamott’s writing style into my own. Although I don’t know if that’s possible because she’s got a way with words and descriptions that I can only hope to remotely broach. Anne Lamott says in Bird by Bird:

Try looking at your mind as a wayward puppy that you are trying to paper train. You don’t drop-kick a puppy into the neighbor’s yard every time it piddles on the floor. You just keep bringing it back to the newspaper. So I keep trying gently to bring my mind back to what is really there to be seen, maybe to be seen and noted with a kind of reverence. Because if I don’t learn to do this, I think I’ll keep getting things wrong.

I love that imagery of drop-kicking a puppy. (I like the imagery, not the actual idea of doing it.) That is Anne Lamott style.

I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep coming up with different writing topics. There are an infinite number of topics in the world, and the brain is exhaustive. I can only reiterate and spew the same things over and over before even I get sick of my own words.

But I’ll try.

I’m not a how-to person. I’m not one who is a natural instructor. But I’ll see if I can’t come up with at least three lessons learned out of life. I’ll also be borrowing heavily from Michael Hyatt’s website, a prolific blogger whom I admire. While I don’t have any lessons to offer on leadership, I’m sure there’s something I can offer lessons on. Perhaps I need to continue blogging to discover what that is.

2013 Goals

2013

Happy New Year! Since it’s the first of the year, it’s time to post this year’s goals! Here are my goals for 2013 (not in any order):

1. Schedule a blog post for each month
2. Go to the gym once a week
3. Strength train on Mondays
4. Read 80 books this year
5. Craft a new novel from an original idea (not something that I’ve recycled)
6. Write a new novel from start to finish in 30 days
7. Write 300 words a day whether it’s a combination of blogging, journaling, article writing, or noveling
8. Attend the Writer’s Digest conference
9. Submit query letters to literary agents
10. Complete synopsis of Getting Right with God
11. Watch a movie on Saturday evenings with Jason
12. Submit a query letter for an article
13. Develop a routine in the morning
14. Develop a routine before bed at night
15. (And oh, why not?) Become a mother

Developing a Routine

My primary doctor has charged me with developing a routine. I am not a fan of routines as I feel that it ruins the variety of life. But for the sake of wanting to have children, they would need a routine that (I guess) I’d try to gently nudge them into. (When do children ever easily comply with routines?)

The other reason I need to develop a routine is that it would help to regulate my sleep, chronic mono, and bipolar disorder. So here’s my tentative plan for 2013:

  • Go to bed at midnight
  • Get up at 7 am
  • Drink coffee first thing in the morning
  • Take my Virastop, Prozac, and iron pill
  • Do devotions
    • Bible reading
    • Prayer
  • Write blog posts (shoot for a minimum of 300 words)
  • Exercise at the gym for 15–30 minutes
  • Read 10 pages in a book
  • Do the laundry
  • Brainstorm story ideas

Both Michael Hyatt and Steve Pavlina have good tips on attempting to become a morning person. Steve Pavlina’s post has helped me in the past to consistently wake up at 5:30 in the morning. (I also had help from Lamictal, which somehow managed to regulate my circadian rhythm.) I hope that I can once again recapture the former glory I once had.

I’m having trouble meeting my 300-word minimum requirement so I’ll just end my post here.

A Year of Biblical Womanhood Leads Me to Question the Bible

AYoBW

I read A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans. It got to me in a way that no other book has. I began questioning such verses as I Timothy 2:9-15, Ephesians 5:22-24, Colossians 3:18, and I Peter 3:1-2. I will quote those verses for you because I hate seeing a string of verses without seeing the actual words.

I Timothy 2:9-15

…likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; 14 and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.

Ephesians 5:22-24

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Colossians 3:18

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

I Peter 3:1-2

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

It’s tough for a married woman to believe the Bible, especially when you’ve got verses like that. Evans quotes Sharyn Dowd who says:

…the apostles ‘advocated this system not because God had revealed it as the divine will for Christian homes, but because it was the only stable and respectable system anyone knew about. It was the best culture had to offer.

So this led me to wonder: Are these verses cultural to the time and period these women lived in, or are they prescriptive for millenniums later?

It’s a question I still haven’t fully answered. Evans came to the conclusion of “mutual submission” based upon Ephesians 5:21 that says “submit to one another.” But then I feel like she’s picking and choosing which verses to adhere to and which verses she wants to throw out. But Evans admits to picking and choosing:

For those who count the Bible as sacred, interpretation is not a matter of whether to pick and choose, but how to pick and choose. We are all selective. We wrestle with how to interpret and apply the Bible to our lives. We all go to the text looking for something, and we all have a tendency to find it.

Evans has come to the conclusion that picking and choosing is what people who hold the Bible as sacred do. I tend to agree with her. I wrestle with the following text, for example I Corinthians 11:4-10:

Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head, but every wife who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since it is the same as if her head were shaven. For if a wife will not cover her head, then she should cut her hair short. But since it is disgraceful for a wife to cut off her hair or shave her head, let her cover her head. For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man. For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. That is why a wife ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels.

As far as I’m aware, the only Christian denominations that require head coverings for women are the Amish and Mennonites. Most Christian denominations do not require head coverings and take the tact of Christian liberty upon this passage. So why not Christian liberty with the passages regarding wives submitting to husbands?

The verse that I feel like was elevated above every other was the following one from Galatians 3:28:

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

I read the endorsements at the beginning of the book and became quite skeptical when I saw a blurb from Brian McLaren whose book I couldn’t even finish because it was so riddled with theological error. (I didn’t have to go to seminary to understand that McLaren was doing mental gymnastics in his book, A New Kind of Christianity.) I became even more skeptical when I saw an endorsement from Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, who (to my knowledge) isn’t even a professing Christian. Then for the month of June, she used Debi Pearl’s book (of No Greater Joy Ministries), Created to Be His Help Meet, as her rulebook for submission. This really threw me for a loop as Pearl’s book is another text filled with theological gymnastics and riddled with error. (Who can forget or forgive the passage in which Pearl tells a young woman who is physically abused and threatened by her husband to stop “‘blabbing about his sins’ and win him back by showing him more respect”?)

When I told my husband that Evans’s book had been featured on Oprah’s website and NPR, he did further investigating and found that Evans and her book had also been featured on “The Today Show” and “The View.” Then he asked me, “Do you really want to take your cues from someone who’s been featured on Oprah and has an NPR endorsement? I’m highly skeptical of anything that was featured on morning talk show circuits.”

Kathy Keller, wife of famed pastor Timothy Keller of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in Manhattan, criticizes Evans’s hermeneutics and biblical interpretation. (Did Rachel go to seminary like Ms. Keller? I don’t know many women who have a keep grasp of hermeneutics that haven’t attended seminary.) Trillia Newbell who wrote for the Desiring God website took a different tack:

As I read the book, it became increasingly clear to me of one theme: God’s word was on trial. It was the court of Rachel Held Evans. She was the prosecution, judge, and jury. The verdict was out. And with authority and confidence, she would have the final word on womanhood.

Did she? According to Evans, she was looking for a “good story” when she first embarked on her year of biblical womanhood, but in the end:

I think I was looking for permission—permission to lead, permission to speak, permission to find my identity in something other than my roles, permission to be myself, permission to be a woman.

What a surprise to reach the end of the year with the quiet and liberating certainty that I never had to ask for it. It had already been given.

Evans found what she was looking for, but she leaves a lot of evangelical female readers like me bereft of where to go from here. Should we pick and choose as she has done or should we accept that “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work” as it says in II Timothy 3:16-17?

This is a long post, I know, but I’m really trying to think out the implications of Evans’s book. My husband and I were discussing the roles of men and women in marriage, and I simply couldn’t help but feel that women are marginalized in certain denominations of modern Christianity.

When Jackie Roese delivered her first sermon at Irving Bible Church near Dallas, Texas, in 2008, she had to have a bodyguard for protection.

“I think the strangest thing I heard was that a woman preaching on a Sunday morning would inevitably lead to the acceptance of bestiality,” Jackie said with a laugh.

Even before I read Evans’s book I wondered what would be so wrong with a female preacher? As Evans pointed out, Mary Magdalene was sent to tell the disciples part of the gospel—that Jesus had risen from the dead! Isn’t a woman preacher better than no one at all? I know some people would argue no, but I think “I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some” (I Corinthians 9:22).

And I think that’s the point of Evans’s book. The Bible is confusing, contradictory, and culture-based. Do I still believe this sacred text? Yes. Do I think people pick and choose which text to adhere to? Yes. And do I think the ultimate goal is God, Jesus, and the gospel? Heck, yes!

One-Novel Wonder

I feel all washed up as a writer. (I’m trying to stick to my 300 words a day minimum imposed by Anne Lamott from Bird by Bird, so I may ramble a bit.)

Why do I think I’m all washed up? Because I wrote one novel, and I can’t seem to write any others except for this effed-up teen series I’ve been working on for the past couple of years. Sure, I can almost always pump out 50,000 words every November, but that’s only when the story has to do with my teen novels or characters in some way. And trust me, they are poop in the same way that Fifty Shades of Grey is.

Hmm… maybe that means it’ll sell at least.

I’d like to write something original like my first finished novel (revised and edited). My finished novel has been in the works for the past five years. And if that won’t sell, but an agent likes my writing style, I have nothing of serious consequence to offer other than total garbage.

I have ideas—tons of them—that I just can’t seem to capitalize upon. A drama about budget cuts in the library (boring), four wealthy women whose lives radically change (book club material), an interracial couple that falls in love during the 1960s (historical romance). I read a ton of books so I should be pregnant with ideas, right? But somehow, I am barren in the brain and the womb.

I don’t mean to sound defeatist… well, in fact, I do. I feel defeated. I feel about as hopeless about giving birth to a new novel as I do about giving birth to a child. I am currently infertile in more ways than one.

Francine Pascal is my inspiration for writing, if that tells you anything. Perhaps it would do me some good to reread some Sweet Valley and remind myself why I liked the series so much. (Or why I find it to be a poor excuse for literature in retrospect.)

 

My Top 10 Books of 2012

It’s no surprise that as a person who works at a library that I love to read. And I’ve read more than 80 books this year. Here’s a list of the top 10 books (in no particular order) that I absolutely loved and would recommend to others:

  1. Knuffle Bunny (children’s book): A heartwarming book by Mo Willems about a toddler who loves her stuffed bunny.
  2. Help, Thanks, Wow (non-fiction/religious): Anne Lamott (my new favorite writer) discusses three words she believes comprise essential prayers. Although Ms. Lamott is a Christian, the book is not limited to Christian thought.
  3. We Are in a Book! (children’s book): Another book by Mo Willems about an elephant and a pig who discover they are in a book! It’s clever, well-written, and funny.
  4. A Discovery of Witches (paranormal romance): Liked Fifty Shades of Grey and Twilight? Then A Discovery of Witches is for you. I thought it was a Harry Potter-like story for women.
  5. Jack 1939 (mystery): An alternate historical fiction reality set in 1939, this book explores what might have happened if FDR sent out JFK as a spy during the rise of the Third Reich.
  6. Mr. Churchill’s Secretary (mystery): The World War II era is my favorite time period in history to study (hence my recommendation of book #5), and Mr. Churchill’s Secretary does not disappoint with the main character, Maggie Hope, interacting with Winston Churchill.
  7. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks (non-fiction): A gripping true story about Henrietta Lacks and her family, and what became of the HeLa cells that were taken without Lacks’s permission.
  8. Man in the Music: The Creative Life and Work of Michael Jackson (non-fiction): This book explored Michael Jackson beyond the media circus and the allegations of child molestation—it explored his life as it should have been about: his music.
  9. The Search for Significance (non-fiction/Christian): This book emphasizes finding worth and significance in God rather than in people.
  10. A Praying Life (non-fiction/Christian): A down-to-earth book about prayer the includes personal anecdotes by the author and helpful tips on establishing an effective prayer life.

A Somber Christmas

It’s Christmas time again, and I managed to get through the season without shedding a single tear for my father. It’s the first time in 11 years since he died that I haven’t cried during the time he passed away. His death always hung like a cloud over the holiday season for me, and for some strange reason, that cloud has finally lifted. But today, I think of the families of Newtown, Connecticut who are missing their little ones whom they used to celebrate with. It’s a somber Christmas for them, filled with tears, sadness, and emptiness for the loved one that has now departed.

John 11:35 applies to this day: “Jesus wept.” It’s probably the shortest sentence in the Bible, but also the most profound. On Christmas, as many Christians think of Jesus being the reason for the season, we are also called to follow the Bible’s teaching to “mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4). The Bible says in Psalm 34:18 that the “LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” During this difficult, difficult season (and it always will be for these families), as a community mourns, let us lift up Newtown, CT in prayer and remembrance.

 

 

Thoughts on My Marriage

Holding Hands

The first year of marriage was the toughest for my husband and me. I had just moved to Kentucky, the place where he was employed, after 23 years of living in New York. I was homesick for my family, I was homesick for my friends, and I was in the throes of depression (or little did I know at the time it was bipolar disorder).

It was difficult to adjust to living with a new person after having lived at home with my parents and grandma for years. He had a completely different culture and different habits than what I grew up with. This made for an interesting clash.

It wasn’t just difficult but it was… different. He grew up on pasta and mashed potatoes, and I grew up on rice and beans. He wanted a clean dining room table, and I had a stack of papers that always covered the table.

After 2 years of arguments, fighting, and a hospitalization for depression on my end, things got better. We settled into an easy routine of working together, compromising, and learning each other’s habits.

I’ve heard a lot of people say that marriage is not easy, that you have to work at it. For the first two years, I found that to be true. My husband could have easily walked away from me. I had nights where I thought about driving home or driving anywhere to be away from him. (In fact, I did try that one night but I got lost and everything was dark and scary so I turned right around and went home.)

But love is a choice. And I’ve learned that every day, we must choose to love each other. That’s what makes a marriage work. The dependence on my “feelings” of love left long ago. Now, I wake up choosing to love this man who also chooses to love me. We do not fight often, but we do not have a perfect marriage. We get annoyed with each other at times. But we work through it. If I go to bed upset, I usually wake forgetting what I was upset about.

Perhaps that is also the key to a good marriage: a poor memory.

I enjoy my marriage. I cannot imagine being married to anyone else who would treat me as well as my husband does. This is not a post to extol his virtues, but rather to praise the blessings God has heaped upon our marriage. In spite of our differences, we have been able to work together as a team, as partners, to make this unlikely marriage succeed.

I hope I’m not speaking too early or out of turn. We’ve only been married seven years, but I look forward to being married for seventy-seven more.

Comfort Eating

When I am feeling down or discouraged, I often turn to food for comfort. But it can’t be just any old food. It’s gotta be sweet.

That’s right; I am a comforter eater.

Perhaps  this falls under gluttony because I turn to food instead of to Jesus? I hope he’ll forgive me.

But I’m not sure what it is about ice cream that makes my mood better. Pasta doesn’t cure me. Nor mashed potatoes. No, the traditional comfort foods don’t soothe me. But give me cake, ice cream, or perhaps a brownie, and I’m set.

Do you engage in comfort eating? If so, what are your favorite foods?

By the way, I don’t endorse comfort eating, but exercise doesn’t satisfy my sweet tooth. If only I could find something to comfort me that didn’t involve eating…

My favorite artist/lyricist: Aimee Mann

Aimee Mann is the best song lyricist that I know of. Her lyrics are funny and clever in a way that many other artists’ lyrics are not. Two of the songs I enjoy by Ms. Mann include “Driving Sideways” and “Stranger into Starman.” With another song, “Save Me,” I resonated deeply with the lyrics because I felt like I was part of “the ranks of the freaks who suspect they could never love anyone.”

Life in Suburban Philadelphia

NYC vs Philly

Living in Pennsylvania is better than I ever thought it would be. In some ways, I prefer it to New York.

Oh no! Did I just say that?

New York is all hustle and bustle, just the facts ma’am, I’m trying to get where I need to go. Everyone outside of New York seems a whole lot more laid back. Not Southern laid back, but certainly not as uptight.

I didn’t like Kentucky much when I lived there, mostly because I was unable to have a life. And, it had a pitiful mall. But at least it had a Barnes & Noble and Chick-Fil-A. That’s important.

But here in suburban Philadelphia (much like I was in suburban New York City), I have many of the accoutrements of the Northeast-living lifestyle. I have a great big mall that I adore (yay! King of Prussia!), a Barnes & Noble within 5 minutes, and my choice of Chick-Fil-A within a 25-minute range. (Okay, so Chick-Fil-A is not a New York thing except for food court at NYU’s Weinstein dorm.) The traffic around here is not as slow as the south, but much better paced than the craziness that surrounds New York City driving. People don’t necessarily smile and say hi (some of the older folks do) when walking past each other on the street. That’s all right by me.

They opened up a Container Store on Long Island. The closest one to me right now is in Cherry Hill, New Jersey. I am praying for a Container Store within 25 minutes of driving distance of my home. Praying, I say.

It’s great to have my husband’s family only 10 minutes down the street, and if need be during the day, a 5-minute walk to my mother-in-law’s job. (No sarcasm. Many people would joke that the in laws are a bad thing, but they’re not for me. I am very fortunate to have such a wonderful family.) If my mom wants to visit from New York, there’s an Amtrak stop less than 10 minutes away from where I live.

I never thought I’d be content living in a state outside of the great state of New York. I didn’t know that settling into suburban Philly life would feel like a second skin. I love my job at the library, and I would be loathe to give it up. I like the flexibility that freelance life brings with the work that comes and goes. I enjoy my Bible-believing church.

I love the neighborhood I live in. I live along a major road that’s busy during the day then gets quiet at night. I live right across from the SEPTA train station, and love to hear the trains occasionally. (The sound barriers are pretty darn good.)

I love occasionally traveling out to Lancaster County to Shady Maple Smorgasbord to eat or Shady Maple Farm Market to do some grocery shopping. Amish people, or Dutch country, are the heart of Pennsylvania culture. I’m beginning to love it all.

I’ll always be a native New Yorker, and my first allegiance will likely be to where I grew up for 23 years of my life. But as a transplanted New Yorker near Philadelphia, I’ve learned that Philly is not so bad. And in fact, will just do quite fine.

Newtown, Connecticut and Body Image Issues

Last week, there was a horrible shooting in Newtown, Connecticut. This should be the requisite post about how we need more gun control. Here are twelve facts on guns and mass shootings in the United States provided by the Washington Post. But I don’t have any ideas on how to get stricter gun control laws. According to the eleven facts from the WaPo, the killers obtained their guns legally. How do you restrict that? According the second amendment, people have the right to bear arms in the United States. How does one tighten the laws on guns? Do we have potential gun buyers jump through mental evaluation hoops to ensure the safety of other citizens? As a person who has struggled with mental illness, I should not be allowed to own a gun. Knowing my father who had struggled with mental illness, I would not have wanted him to own a gun.

There is no easy answer to gun control concerns. I would not want to take away the rights of citizens to own guns, but something needs to be done to ensure the rights of others are protected.

I’ve been thinking about my own body and my struggle with weight and lack of exercise. It’s clear that I need to exercise to stay healthy. I am a size 14. I’m not quite plus size but I don’t want to get much bigger.

Then I thought about the body image issues sprung upon me by my family and society. I grew up being one of the skinny kids, only having dealt with body image issues within the past 10 years. And I wonder if I let too many other people define me. I’m a little overweight with some pudge around the middle, but why should that define my self-worth or the way I see myself? Attempting to get skinny is a fleeting goal, one that I do not have the discipline to attain.

Reading Material for 2013

I’m a member of the social networking site Goodreads (I’d probably watch more movies if there were a site called Goodwatch or something) and each December, I plan the books I’m going to read for the next year. So for 2013, I currently have 58 books on my list. (This list will grow as books are published and I see must-read bestsellers at the library.) Thirty-six of those books are non-fiction books. I do not have them in order of books I plan to read, but here’s my goal for the year:

January
Wicked Girls (begun in December 2012)
The Art of War for Writers (begun in December 2012)
Princess Elizabeth’s Spy (begun in December 2012)
I’d Like to Apologize to Every Teacher I Ever Had (begun in December 2012)
The Darkest Minds
The Sacred Romance
A Year of Biblical Womanhood (begun in December 2012)

February
Shadow of Night
Generous Justice
Successful Women Think Differently
In the Garden of Beasts
Uglies
The Paris Wife

March
The Beautiful and the Damned
What Good Is God?
Matched (#1)
The Silent Girl
Paranormalcy
I’m Down

April
The Happiness Project
Crazy Love
Olive Kitteridge
Operating Instructions
The Girl Who Became a Beatle
Blame It on the Brain

May
His Majesty’s Hope (Maggie Hope #3)
Forgotten God
You Lost Me
The Tiger’s Wife
Porn Again Christian

June
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Putting Amazing Back into Grace
The Selection (#1)
A Tale of Two Cities

July
Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?
The Myth of Multitasking
Nickel and Dimed
Vienna Prelude (#1)
Jane Slayre

August
The Nazi Officer’s Wife
The Alchemist
CrossTalk
Running Scared

September
Untitled (Divergent #3)
Untitled (All Souls Trilogy #3)
The Paradox of Choice
Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

October
The Purpose Driven Life
The Artist’s Way
Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World
Time Management for Unmanageable People

November
Suffering and the Sovereignty of God
The Bluest Eye
Bittersweet
The Total Money Makeover
The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous & Broke

December
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
Plot & Structure
Three Cups of Tea
When God Weeps
Ape House

I tend to read more at the beginning of the year and at the end of the year as I try to play catch up. It’s a lot to read, but I know I can do it as long as I pace myself! And Tim Keller will probably publish a book in 2013 so just add that to my list too.